


Some Starless Night

by phizzwizards



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Inspired by Princess Diaries, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-12 12:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18011036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phizzwizards/pseuds/phizzwizards
Summary: One minute, Kevin's a totally normal 16 year old. Next minute, he's heir to the throne of Genovia.Like Kevin doesn't have enough to deal with. His best friend, Betty, is constantly getting him into trouble with her investigative YouTube channel, Betty Tells It Like It Is, he has to keep his massive crush on Betty's brother, Archie, a secret, he's flunking World History, and, oh yeah, his dad is dating his World History teacher. Now Kevin's mom has to drop this bombshell on him too? Well, if she thinks he's moving to Genovia to be a prince she's just going to have to think again. Kevin just wants to finish high school.A Kevarchie Princess Diaries AU because why not, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think we all know by now that everything I do, I do for Jen.
> 
> This thing is based on the events of the first three books in Meg Cabot's Princess Diaries series, with a little hint of the first film, and I have no idea how many chapters it will be or how long it will take me to finish it. So, sorry about that.

Kevin’s dad was still talking to him. Kevin could see his lips moving. He could even sort of hear a muffled sound that might have been words. But Kevin was not listening. He had been listening at the start but he had stopped sort of around the point when his dad had told him that he was dating Ms. McCoy.

‘Kevin?’ Kevin’s name pierced through the fog in his brain. Kevin blinked up at his dad, who was frowning down at him from the other side of the dining table. ‘Kevin, are you okay?’

‘Why, Dad?’ Kevin wailed, in reply. Of all the women in Riverdale, Kevin’s dad had to date Kevin’s World History teacher? He was already flunking that class. He didn’t need this kind of pressure on top of that.

Kevin’s dad sat down opposite him and sighed. ‘Because I like her. She’s kind and strong and beautiful.’

‘And my teacher,’ Kevin reminded him, just in case he had actually forgotten. What kind of dad went to a parent-teacher conference and left with a date? How was Kevin supposed to concentrate in Ms. McCoy’s class now? He was going to be stuck in sophomore World History for the rest of his life.

‘Look, I know this is going to be difficult for you but I really think you’ll like Sierra once you get to know her outside of school.’

Outside of school? Kevin didn’t want to get to know any of his teachers outside of school! He couldn’t take any more. ‘I’m going to be late,’ he said, standing up from the table.

‘You haven’t finished your breakfast.’

‘I’m not hungry.’ Kevin grabbed his bag and ran for the front door.

‘We aren’t done talking about this,’ his dad yelled after him. Kevin begged to differ. No, really, he was willing to beg to make this go away.

-

Betty was unsympathetic, but Kevin really should have expected that.

‘Ms. McCoy’s not so bad,’ Betty said after Kevin told her about his dad’s horrifying breakfast confession on the way to school. Of course Betty would think that. Betty wasn’t failing World History. Betty wasn’t failing anything. ‘She’s kind of a badass. So’s Josie.’

Kevin hadn’t even thought about Josie, Ms. McCoy’s daughter, who was equally as intimidating as her mom. Josie and Kevin had both been in the school musical last year, a tragically underfunded production of Guys and Dolls. Josie had stolen the show as Ms. Adelaide but Kevin had only been in the ensemble. He had also helped Betty make a behind the scenes documentary about the show. Or, that’s what he had thought she was making, anyway. It had ended up being an exposé on the sexual exploits of high school drama students. Principal Weatherbee had confiscated the footage and nearly cancelled the musical but Josie had managed to persuade him not to, somehow. She had threatened to break Betty’s camera too, but Betty’s brother, Archie, had calmed her down.

Kevin had been avoiding Josie ever since, and now their parents were dating.

‘My life is over,’ Kevin moaned.

‘Oh, don’t be such a drama king,’ Betty said. ‘Maybe she’ll go easier on you if it goes well, you know? Start giving you Bs instead of Cs if your dad gives her the-’

‘And what if they break up?’ Kevin interrupted before Betty could reach the horrifying conclusion of her sentence.

Betty shrugged. ‘Then you’re screwed.’

-

Things at school went from bad to worse. Kevin had left home in such a hurry that morning that he had forgotten his World History text book and homework at home, because of course he had. Betty rolled her eyes but shared her book with him. Ms. McCoy asked him to see her after class, which he was sure would go well since he could barely look her in the eye at the moment. He didn’t hear a single thing she said all lesson.

After everyone else had gone to lunch, Ms. McCoy sat down behind her desk and motioned for Kevin to take a seat across from her. She steepled her hands in front of her, rested her chin on them, and smiled kindly at him. It was even worse than the telling off he had been expecting.

‘Your dad called and told me that he spoke to you this morning, Kevin.’ Kevin looked at Ms. McCoy’s hands, as a way of avoiding her gaze. Her fingernails were pointed and painted dark blue. He wondered if she did them herself. ‘I’m sure this is all very strange for you,’ Ms. McCoy continued, dropping her hands onto the desk. ‘Josie found it quite a surprise too. That’s why I’m going to excuse the fact that you forgot to bring in your homework today, although I would like you to bring it to me tomorrow.’

Kevin nodded. ‘Thanks,’ he said, hoping they were done.

They weren’t. ‘Kevin, I want you to know that I really like your dad. He’s a good man and, as a mother, I know that you are the most important thing in the world to him, just like Josie is to me. So, I would really like it if you and I could be friends.’

‘Sure,’ Kevin said, trying really hard to hide the panic in his voice. Friends. With his World History teacher. Who was currently flunking him and also probably having sex with his dad. Great. ‘Can I go now?’

‘Of course.’ Ms. McCoy smiled again as she got up and held the door open for him. At least she seemed to think this was going well. ‘Don’t forget to bring your homework in tomorrow.’

Kevin practically ran to his locker. Not that he could actually get into his locker, because, as per usual, Joaquin DeSantos was making out with some Serpent guy right in front of it.

Kevin cleared his throat. Nothing. ‘Excuse me?’ Still nothing. He tried again, louder. ‘Excuse me.’ Finally, anonymous Serpent of the day pulled his mouth away from Joaquin’s long enough to glare at Kevin.

‘What?’

‘That’s my locker.’

The two Serpent boys both looked at the locker and then back at Kevin.

‘So?’ Anonymous Serpent asked. Joaquin smiled and pushed the other guy away from Kevin’s locker.

‘Come on,’ he said, ‘let’s go somewhere else. Sorry,’ he added and winked at Kevin. The other guy just glared even more intensely as Joaquin pulled him down the hall.

Just once, Kevin would have liked to get to his locker without first having to extract horny teenagers from it. Unfortunately, since he and Joaquin had been assigned lockers next to each other this year, that had so far proved impossible. There seemed to be no end of Southside Serpents who for some reason found the combination of Joaquin and Kevin’s locker completely irresistible. Must be nice.

By the time Kevin finally got to lunch, he wished he hadn’t bothered anyway.

‘Betty told me about your dad and Ms. McCoy,’ Betty’s boyfriend, Jughead, said as soon as Kevin sat down. ‘That is so weird.’

Kevin turned to Betty. He couldn’t believe it. ’You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.’

‘You never said that,’ Betty protested. ‘And anyway, I only told Jughead.’

‘Yeah, and I won’t tell anyone,’ Jughead added. ‘If my dad started dating one of our teachers I would transfer schools immediately to stop anyone finding out.’

Betty pressed a forefinger to her lips and shook her head. ‘I don’t think that’s helping,’ she told Jughead.

Kevin sank back in his plastic cafeteria chair. ‘I’m going to find a new best friend.’

Betty snorted. ‘You’ve been saying that for years.’

Kevin pushed his food around with his fork while Betty and Jughead discussed the next episode of Betty’s investigative YouTube series, Betty Tells It Like It Is. Kevin tried to join in with the conversation but he wasn’t really in the mood to talk about the supposed underground poker games being run out of Pop’s Chock’lit Shoppe that Betty had been researching. He had always helped Betty with her videos in the past but he really didn’t feel great about this one. He liked Pop. He didn’t want him to get in trouble if the rumours about the poker games were true.

When the bell rang at the end of lunch, Betty, Jughead, and Kevin all walked to their next class together, stopping off at Jughead’s locker on the way so he could grab his typewriter. When they got to class, Jughead went straight into the supply closet at the back of the class and closed the door behind him. Kevin could still faintly hear the clacking of Jughead’s typewriter keyboard, even through the door.

Gifted and Talented was a joke of a class. Kevin wasn’t even really sure what he was supposed to be doing there. Supposedly, he was a gifted singer, and was meant to use the class to practice that skill. He didn’t really see how he was supposed to do that in a class full of other people, all working on their own gifts and/or talents though, especially when Jughead was routinely banished to the supply closet because he insisted on using a typewriter to write his great American novel and everyone found the noise of the keys way too annoying.

Luckily, when Kevin had complained about not knowing what to do with his Gifted and Talented time at the start of the year, Betty’s brother, Archie, had volunteered to teach Kevin to play the guitar during those classes. They were in the same Gifted and Talented class, even though Archie was two years above Betty and Kevin, and Archie’s talent was music too, although, more usefully, he was specifically talented with musical instruments. Archie could play pretty much any musical instrument he picked up, but he figured guitar would be the one least likely to annoy everyone else in the room if he taught Kevin how to play. 

They were rarely supervised during Gifted and Talented classes but someone had approved the idea of Kevin learning a musical instrument to accompany his apparently gifted singing, so now he got to spend an hour every day learning how to play the guitar with Archie while Betty worked on her various video journalism projects in the corner of the room, and Jughead wrote what would no doubt one day be an extremely pretentious and important novel in the supply closet.

The guitar lessons were a particular source of both joy and despair for Kevin because he had had a crush on Archie for as long as he could remember, and sometimes, when Kevin couldn’t quite get a chord right, Archie would lean across their two guitars and move Kevin’s fingers to the correct position. Sometimes, like right now, he would hold Kevin’s fingers there, while Kevin strummed the guitar with the other hand, and Kevin would feel his face getting hot and wish that he could have had a crush on anyone other than his best friend’s big brother.

Sometimes he would get the chords wrong on purpose.

‘Hey.’ A hand fell on Kevin’s shoulder, breaking his concentration. He looked up at Archie, who was smiling at whoever was stood behind Kevin. ‘Mind if I borrow Kevin?’

‘Sure.’ Archie put his guitar down. ‘I’d better go and check Betty isn’t making soft porn again, anyway. Good job today, Kevin. You’re really starting to get the hang of it.’ Archie stood up and Josie McCoy sat down in his place.

‘So,’ Josie said, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘Your dad and my mom, huh?’

Kevin put his guitar down between them, holding onto the neck with both hands. ‘I guess so.’

‘It’s pretty weird,’ Josie said. Kevin nodded. ‘Look, I know we had that little… thing with Betty last year, but my mom’s been really happy recently, happier than she’s been since my dad left, and now I know that’s because of your dad… I just want you to know that I don’t blame you for Betty nearly getting the musical cancelled. I don’t really blame her either, I know she can’t really help herself.’ Josie glanced over to the corner where Archie and Betty were arguing over something on Betty’s laptop screen. ‘So anyway, I hope we can be friends, for our parents’ sake.’

‘Funny,’ Kevin said. ‘Your mom said the same thing.’

Josie rolled her eyes, smiling. ‘Of course she did. Hey, Archie tells me you sing?’ Kevin nodded. Josie was supposed to be in their Gifted and Talented class too, but she usually spent it in the music room, rehearsing with her band. ’Maybe we can sing together some time.’

‘Yeah,’ Kevin said. ‘Maybe.’

‘Good. Guess I’ll see you around,’ Josie said, getting up from her seat. Archie saw her get up and left Betty midway through whatever Betty was saying to him to follow her. Betty pulled her headphones back over her ears, clearly furious. Kevin watched Josie and Archie, over by the classroom door. Josie was leaning against the door and she and Archie were whispering about something. Archie had to stand really close and lean in to hear her properly. At one point they both turned to look at Kevin and, immediately turning red, he picked his guitar back up and started practicing the song Archie had been teaching him.

He didn’t look up again until class was over.

-

Being the town sheriff, Kevin’s dad was usually still at work when Kevin got home from school, so Kevin was pretty surprised when he got home and his dad immediately appeared from the kitchen, not even in uniform.

‘We need to talk,’ his dad said, before Kevin even had time to take off his jacket.

‘Not right now,’ Kevin begged, shrugging out of his jacket. ‘Please, can we just talk about your new girlfriend later, like after I’ve graduated and she isn’t my teacher anymore?’ Kevin hung up his jacket and looked back at his dad. His eyes were wide and he was making slashing motions with his hands that Kevin hadn’t seen before, but it was too late.

‘Tom, you didn’t tell me you had a new girlfriend,’ a calm, European woman’s voice said from the kitchen. ‘We’ll have to talk about that later.’ Kevin knew that voice. There was only one person it could be.

Kevin pushed past his dad and, sure enough, there at the very table he had sat at that morning when his dad had told him about Ms. McCoy, was Kevin’s mom.

‘Hello, Kevin.’ His mom stood up and brushed her manicured hands down her elegant, royal blue pencil skirt. ‘Aren’t you going to give your mother a hug?’

Kevin did as he was told, trying his best not to rumple her matching jacket, or her silk shirt, or her perfectly coiffed, perfectly highlighted hair. ‘Hi, mom. What are you doing here?’

Kevin’s mom and dad had met while they were in college. They had never married, and Kevin had clearly been an accident, born just a few months after they graduated. After he was born, Kevin’s dad had taken him back to Riverdale to raise him and Kevin’s mom had gone back to the tiny European principality she was originally from, Genovia, where Kevin knew she had an important government job, although he didn’t really know what it was. He visited her there every summer, and sometimes at Christmas, although even then he spent more time with his mom's cousin, Cheryl, in her chateau by the French border, but his mom hardly ever came to America, and she had never, in his whole life, ever come to Riverdale.

‘Why don’t I take you out for dinner, and I can tell you all about it?’ Kevin’s mom smiled down at him but, even though he didn’t see her that often, Kevin knew a forced smile when he saw one.

-

Kevin’s mom insisted they go to the restaurant at the Five Seasons for dinner. Kevin told her they wouldn’t get in without a reservation but somehow, when she told the snooty maitre d’ her name, a table by the window mysteriously opened up for them. Kevin had known that sort of thing happened in Genovia, but he hadn’t known it applied to Riverdale too.

His mom tried to make small talk, asking Kevin about school and what he was reading, and telling him about Cheryl’s latest escapades while on holiday in Sweden. The whole time Kevin was trying not to panic. There was only one reason he could think of for his mom to be in Riverdale.

Her cancer was back.

It had to be. She had only been in remission for a few months. Kevin had spent the whole of last summer worried out of his mind while Cheryl ordered various doctors and nurses around during his mom’s recovery, but he had thought it was over. He had thought she would be okay now.

‘Are you dying?’ Kevin blurted out, as a waiter put a bowl of crab bisque down in front of him and pretended not to have heard.

‘What?’ Kevin’s mom laughed. ‘No, Kevin, I’m not dying.’

‘Oh. Is Cheryl dying?’ She was the only other family member Kevin could think of whose possible death might require an in-person visit from his mom. 

‘No.’ His mom put down her spoon. ‘No one is dying. I had a check up just a few weeks ago and I’m completely fine. And Cheryl has never been ill in her life. Illnesses are afraid of her… There is something I need to tell you though. You remember that I had to have a hysterectomy as part of my treatment for the cancer?’ Kevin nodded. He didn’t really like to think too much about his mom’s cancer, or her womb for that matter, but she had been recovering from the operation last time he had been in Genovia. ‘And you know that means I can’t have any more children?’

‘Yes. I know.’ Kevin wasn’t flunking biology, thank you very much. He couldn’t really see what this had to do with him though.

‘Well, when your father and I had you, we were very young, and your father didn’t really want to be part of the life I have in Genovia, and we both agreed it would be for the best for you to grow up away from that too. We had planned to wait until you were older to tell you this, but when we made those decisions, we thought I would have more children. Now we know that won’t happen, I’m afraid it means we can’t wait any longer to tell you.’

‘Tell me what?’ Kevin asked. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this confused.

‘The truth about who I am. About who you are. I always told you that I worked in the Genovian government, and that wasn’t a lie, not really, but the truth is… I’m actually the head of the Genovian government.’

‘You’re the president of Genovia?’ Kevin asked. 

‘Genovia doesn’t have a president,’ his mom explained. ‘We have an absolute monarchy, remember? The reigning monarch holds supreme authority.’

‘Right.’ Kevin did remember that. ‘So, that makes you…’

‘The reigning monarch. Christina Amelia Clarisse Mignonette Grimaldi Renaldo, Princess of Genovia.’

Kevin gulped down the panic and bile steadily rising in his throat. ‘And that makes me?’

‘Kevin Philippe Grimaldi Keller Renaldo, Prince of Genovia and heir to the Genovian throne.’

Kevin just made it to the bathroom before he threw up.


	2. Chapter 2

The bathroom at the Five Seasons was really nice. It was definitely the nicest bathroom Kevin had ever thrown up in. He was glad he had made it into one of the black walled cubicles, instead of spewing on the gray and white tiled floor. The attendant had even slid a couple of individually wrapped mints under the cubicle door after he heard Kevin flush. Kevin wished he had some money to tip him with, but he had left his wallet at home. He’d have to ask his mom if she had any cash. Although, hadn’t he read somewhere that royalty never carry money? And now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure he could remember ever seeing his mom pay for anything with cash in his life. What was he going to do? He couldn’t just throw up in a bathroom and then not tip the attendant.

‘Kevin? Sweetheart, are you okay?’ Kevin closed his eyes and leant his head against one side of the cubicle. Maybe if he ignored his mom she would just go back to Genovia. He could stay in the bathroom until his dad came and found him. He was sure the attendant wouldn’t mind. ‘Kevin, please come out here and talk to me. You looked a little green when you left the table… At least tell me if I need to call your father.’

Kevin opened the cubicle door. The bathroom attendant was gone, probably standing guard outside, he guessed. Kevin’s mom was leaning against the sinks across from the cubicles. Somehow, she managed not to look horrendously out of place in her designer suit, in the middle of a men’s bathroom. Kevin wished he had that kind of confidence. Perhaps it just came from growing up in a palace, which he supposed his mom must have done.

‘I’m fine,’ Kevin assured her. ‘You don’t need to call dad.’

‘I know this is a shock,’ Kevin’s mom said as Kevin washed his hands. ‘But I didn’t expect quite that reaction.’

‘It was the crab,’ Kevin explained. ‘Betty and I stopped eating seafood at the start of the school year and I guess my stomach’s not used to it anymore. I should have said something.’ Kevin dried his hands on one of the fluffy towels next to the sinks and grabbed another handful of mints. What was the attendant going to do, have him arrested? He probably had diplomatic immunity or something.

‘I think we need to discuss this,’ Kevin’s mom said.

‘The seafood?’ Kevin asked, stuffing mints into his trouser pockets.

‘The monarchy.’

‘Oh. That.’

‘You know, most teenagers would probably be thrilled to find out they’re actually royalty.’ Kevin’s mom was trying her best to sound upbeat but her facade dropped when Kevin didn’t respond. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ She looked concerned. Really, truly concerned. It made Kevin’s heart hurt. All his life he had wanted his mom to look at him like that, the way Betty’s mom looked at her when she was ill. But Kevin wasn’t ill. He was a prince.

‘Can you just take me home, please?’

Kevin tried not to look at the devastated look on his mom’s face.

‘Of course.’

-

When Kevin woke up the next morning, there were a blissful few moments where he completely forgot everything that had happened the day before. Then he rolled over and saw the small stack of Five Seasons bathroom mints on his bedside table and it all came flooding back.

He was a prince.

It was the stupidest thing he had ever heard in his life. His mom was nuts. Maybe she was a princess, she certainly dressed well enough to be one, but Kevin was not a prince. Prince’s didn’t flunk World History.

Oh, God. His dad and Ms. McCoy.

Kevin rolled back over and stuffed his face into his pillow. Maybe he would just never get out of bed again. Who would make him? He would one day hold supreme authority over a small European principality. He didn’t need to go to school. He didn’t need to do anything ever again. Except, he guessed, he would probably have to go to Genovia eventually. You know, to rule over it, or whatever.

Kevin sat bolt upright. What if his mom expected him to move to Genovia right now? He hadn’t even finished high school yet. Maybe he didn’t need to go to school anymore, now that he knew he would one day rule over a small principality and everything, but if he moved to Genovia he might never see Betty or Archie again.

Kevin jumped out of bed and ran downstairs and into the kitchen, where his dad was drinking a cup of coffee at the table. ‘I’m not moving to Genovia,’ he said, bursting into the room.

Kevin’s dad’s eyebrows shot up and he spluttered into his coffee. ‘Of course you aren’t,’ he said, putting the coffee cup down carefully. ‘Who said you were?’

‘Mom says I’m her heir,’ Kevin said, his voice thick with the horror of his words. ‘She says she’s the reigning monarch of Genovia and that means I will be one day too and I can’t reign from Riverdale, can I? But I don’t want to move to Genovia. I don’t want to reign at all. I’m still in high school.’

‘Slow down.’ Kevin’s dad pointed to the chair opposite him. ‘Sit.’ Kevin did as he said. ‘No one said anything about you moving to Genovia. Not yet, anyway. You’re right that you can’t very well reign over Genovia from Riverdale, but you aren’t going to be doing any reigning just yet anyway. Not for a long time.’

‘But it’s real?’ Kevin asked, his voice barely above a whisper. It was then that he realised how much he had been hoping his dad would tell him it was all a joke, that his mom was delusional or it was all some big prank. ‘I really am a prince?’

Kevin’s dad nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Kevin. Your mom and I always thought she would get married and have more kids. Then you would have been bumped down the line of succession anyway and it wouldn’t have mattered so much. We were going to tell you everything when you turned eighteen, I swear, but then your mom got sick…’

‘And now she isn’t going to have any more heirs.’ Kevin’s dad nodded. ‘But I can’t be the only one. There must be more people in line for the throne behind me. Isn’t that how it works? Can’t one of them be her heir?’

‘I think next in line is your mom's cousin, Cheryl.’

‘Oh.’ Kevin sank back in his seat. He still didn’t want to be a prince. He didn’t want to rule anywhere, no matter how small the place was, and he didn’t think he would be any good at it anyway, but he liked Genovia well enough, and Cheryl? Well, Cheryl really was nuts.

He loved her, he guessed. She was twelve years older than him but they had pretty much grown up together during his summers in Genovia. She had inherited her chateau by the French border, which Kevin now realised did actually have some palace-type qualities to it, when she was eighteen and Kevin was six. That summer, a photographer had managed to sneak onto the grounds, hoping to take a picture of Cheryl sunbathing topless in the garden, which she had been. Cheryl had shot the photographer in the leg with an arrow and threatened to do the same to the police officers who showed up afterwards. Kevin could see why his mom might not want to leave Genovia in Cheryl’s hands. Although, she would probably have made a good head of the Genovian armed forces.

‘I can’t be a prince, Dad,’ Kevin said, giving it one last shot anyway. ‘I just can’t.’

‘I’m sorry, son, but you already are.’

-

There had to be some way to get out of it. They couldn’t make him be a prince. Okay, so maybe Cheryl wasn’t the most stable person he’d ever met but, the more he thought about it, the more Kevin thought she might actually make a great reigning monarch. Cheryl would probably love to hold supreme authority over Genovia. At least she lived there.

He just had to get through school today and then he could tell his mom thanks, but no thanks. He appreciated the offer, really he did, but being a prince just wasn’t for him. Let Cheryl have the place and do whatever she wants with it. Kevin was perfectly happy right here in Riverdale, worrying about flunking classes, and hiding his crush on Archie, and keeping Betty out of jail, not… whatever reigning monarchs of small European principalities had to worry about.

‘You’re weird today,’ Betty observed at lunch.

‘No, I’m not,’ Kevin replied, cleverly. He had thought he was doing a good job of hiding how much he was freaking out, but he should have known better than to try to keep anything from Betty. She always knew when he was hiding something. When he had told her he was gay she had just rolled her eyes and said she already knew.

‘Yes, you are.’ Betty tilted her head to one side and looked at him. ‘You’re quiet. You haven’t said anything about my plan to infiltrate one of Pop’s poker games.’

‘Well, if you really want to know what I think, I think Pop has known you your entire life and he’s going to recognise you straight away even if you are wearing a wig.’

Betty’s green eyes stared at him for a while longer before she finally turned back to Jughead. ‘Kevin’s right. It’ll never work.’

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t let Betty find out about the prince thing. If she did, she would probably just want to use him to make a documentary about the corruption of European royal families, or something, and he didn’t think his mom was corrupt. Cheryl, maybe, but definitely not his mom. Anyway, if Betty ever found out, it would only be a matter of time before the rest of the school did too, and then his life really would be over.

-

Five minutes into Gifted and Talented, Jughead knocked over a paint can and had to be let out of the supply closet because of the fumes. Everyone was annoyed about it. Except for Betty, who couldn’t hear anything with her headphones on. Lucky her. Kevin found it impossible to concentrate on what Archie was showing him with Jughead’s typewriter keys clacking away in the background, and he could tell Archie was getting frustrated too.

Jughead’s typewriter let out a loud ping as he finished a sheet of paper and the noise surprised Kevin so much his hand slipped on the guitar, completely messing up the chord progression he had finally been nailing. Archie threw his guitar pick at Jughead’s head, where it bounced harmlessly off of the stupid beanie he always wore, even indoors. Jughead didn’t even notice.

‘Why can’t he just use a computer like a normal person?’ Archie asked, reaching into his bag to take out another pick.

‘Too mainstream, I guess. I wonder what he’s actually writing, anyway?’ Kevin mused, trying not to be too obvious about the way he was looking at Archie’s neck as he stretched over his guitar, searching through his backpack.

‘It’s a postmodern noir crime novel,’ Archie said, like he’d memorised it. He found the pick and zipped his bag closed again. ‘I’ve read some of it. It’s actually pretty good. At least, I think it is, anyway. It’s kind of confusing in some places.’

‘I didn’t realise you and Jughead were friends.’ 

Archie shrugged. ‘He’s always over at the house since they started dating and, as you well know, sometimes a guy needs an ally against Betty.’

Kevin nodded. ‘Your sister is a force to be reckoned with.’

Archie snorted in a way that reminded Kevin uncomfortably of Betty. ‘That’s one way of putting it. Speaking of strong women, I heard about your dad and Ms. McCoy.’

Kevin was going to strangle Betty. ‘I’m going to strangle your sister,’ he told Archie.

‘Betty didn’t tell me,’ Archie said. ‘Josie did. And your secret is safe with me but, you know everyone is going to find out eventually, right? You can’t keep a secret like that for long in Riverdale.’

Archie had no idea how much Kevin prayed he was wrong about that.

-

Betty wanted Kevin to come back to her house after school, to help her come up with a new plan for infiltrating one of Pop’s alleged poker games. He tried to pretend he wasn’t feeling well but she wouldn’t leave him alone until he finally admitted that the real reason he had to go home was because his mom was in town and he needed to go and see her.

‘God, I knew you were hiding something,’ Betty said, triumphantly, her ponytail bobbing in the air as she did a little bounce, thrilled to have worn him down until he revealed his big secret. She had no idea. ‘You could have just told me she was in town. Wait.’ Betty’s eyes went wide. ‘Her cancer isn’t back, is it?’

‘No,’ Kevin said. ‘She’s just visiting.’

Betty wrinkled her nose. ‘Why? Don’t you normally have to go to her?’

Kevin shrugged. ‘I guess she decided to come here for a change.’

‘Maybe it’s because of the cancer,’ Betty said. ‘Maybe coming so close to death has made her regret all these years that she’s neglected to be a proper mother to you and now she’s trying to make up for lost time.’

‘Okay,’ Kevin said, before Betty could really get going. ‘Well, whatever it is, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

They waved goodbye at the end of Betty’s street and Kevin continued the rest of the way home on his own. He had hoped he would have time to rehearse what he was going to say to his mom, maybe he would run it past his dad a few times, just to make sure it was convincing, but somehow, as soon as he rounded the corner into his own street, he knew she would be waiting for him inside the house, just like the day before.

Kevin stopped outside the front door and steeled himself for the conversation he knew waited for him inside. He had made it through the day without any major embarrassments. Betty knew his mom was in town but that was all. He was pretty sure the World History essay he had handed in would be a B, at least. Joaquin had been absent from his locker all day. He had even managed to have a conversation with Archie without blushing. It had been a good day in the life of Kevin Keller, prince stuff aside. It had only strengthened his resolve to keep the prince stuff aside.

Kevin opened the door and immediately heard his mom and dad talking. Talking, not arguing, which was weird. He followed their voices through to the kitchen, where they both sat at the table, drinking coffee, his dad, for the second day in a row, out of uniform, and his mom today in an elegant white sundress.

‘Hey, kid, good day at school?’ Kevin’s dad asked. Kevin dropped his bag on the floor.

‘Pretty good.’ He shrugged. ‘What’s going on?’

‘We were just discussing possible arrangements,’ Kevin’s mom said. Kevin sat down at the table between them.

‘But don’t worry,’ his dad added. ‘No one’s making any decisions without you.’

‘Arrangements for what?’ Kevin asked. All of his resolve seemed to have disappeared in the face of his parents actually getting along for once.

‘Well,’ his mother started. ‘Your father tells me you don’t want to move to Genovia.’

‘I believe I told you he isn’t moving to Genovia,’ Kevin’s dad said, a faint growl behind his words. Disagreement. That was more like it.

‘I had hoped,’ Kevin’s mom continued, as though his dad had never spoken, ‘that you might come back to Genovia and finish your schooling there.’ Kevin began to protest but his mother raised one hand, calmly, and he instantly stopped talking. ‘Of course, I can’t make you go if you don’t want to. If you insist on staying in America, it will make things more difficult, but it’s nothing we can’t work around.’

‘You can finish high school here,’ Kevin’s dad elaborated. ‘And we’ll look at Genovia again when you’re applying for college.’

‘What? I don’t want to go to college in Genovia. I’m going to NYU, with Betty.’ Kevin and Betty had planned to go to NYU together since they were twelve years old. He supposed Jughead would be going with them now too but he could live with that. He could not live with going to college on his own in Genovia.

‘The University of Genovia is a very well respected institution,’ Kevin’s mom said. ‘I did my postgraduate degree there, after I had you, and Cheryl studied there for both her undergraduate and her postgraduate degrees.’

‘No one is saying you have to go to college in Genovia,’ Kevin’s dad clarified. ‘Just that you can if you want to. You can still go to NYU with Betty, if that’s what you want to do.’

‘I’m sure this Betty can go to the University of Genovia if that’s so important,’ Kevin’s mom said.

‘We don’t need to talk about college right now.’ Kevin’s dad stared his mom down. Kevin was impressed. He didn’t think he had ever seen anyone do that before. Except Cheryl, when his mom kept trying to get back to work immediately after her operation and Cheryl had had all official documents banished from the chateau.

‘Your father is right,’ Kevin’s mom said. ‘Your schooling is your decision. However, there are certain responsibilities that come with being a prince, which you will have to start preparing for now.’

‘Hold on,’ Kevin interrupted. It was now or never. Best to stop her before she got too carried away. ‘See, that’s the thing. I don’t want to be a prince.’

‘What do you mean, you don’t want to be a prince?’ His mother asked, her perfectly sculpted eyebrows drawing together. ‘Darling, you are a prince. You have always been a prince. That’s what I tried to explain to you last night.’

‘Yeah, but see, no one ever asked me.’ This seemed important to Kevin. All his life his dad had told him he could be whatever he wanted to be when he grew up, and now they were telling him that actually, he had to be a prince? ‘No one ever asked me if I wanted to be a prince. And I don’t.’

‘No one ever asked you?’ his mom repeated. ‘Kevin, do you think anyone ever asked me if I wanted to be a princess? Or my father if he wanted to be a prince? This isn’t something you choose. You are a prince. You were born a prince. Yes, we had hoped to wait until you were eighteen to tell you, because your father and I wanted you to have a normal childhood, but you’re sixteen now, Kevin. You’re almost a man, and the fact is, one day I will be gone and you will rule Genovia. Now it is time for you to start taking on the responsibilities that your role entails.’

‘But I don’t know how to be a prince,’ Kevin said, somewhat cowed by the gravitas of his mom’s speech.

‘Well that,’ his mom explained, ‘is where Cheryl comes in.’

‘Cheryl?’

‘Yes. Unfortunately, due to my decision to let you have a normal childhood here, away from the Genovian Palace, there are certain things, essential for a member of the Genovian royal family to know, which you simply have not had the opportunity to learn. If you had agreed to come to Genovia, you would have been taught there. However, as that is not to be, Cheryl has agreed to teach you.’

‘But Cheryl lives in Genovia.’

‘She has already rented a suite at the Five Seasons. An entire floor, in fact. For security purposes. You will go there for an hour after school every day to learn from her, at least until your first royal address in Genovia this Christmas.’

‘Like, prince lessons? With Cheryl? Every day?’

‘Exactly.’

Kevin stood up. ‘Absolutely not. No. I’m sorry. This is ridiculous.’ He turned to his dad. ‘Dad, tell her this is ridiculous.’

Kevin’s dad sighed. ‘I know this is a lot to take in.’

‘A lot to take in? You’re telling me that I’m going to be in charge of a whole country one day and I don’t have any choice in the matter.’

‘Of course you will have a choice,’ Kevin’s mom said. Kevin turned back to her. Her eyes were closed and her hands were clasped in front of her. When she opened her eyes, she looked tired. ‘When I die, which I do not intend to do for a very long time, you will choose if you wish to take the throne or abdicate to Cheryl, who is next in the line of succession. Of course, I would like you to take your rightful place as reigning monarch of Genovia, but I won’t be able to do a thing about it. I’ll be dead. But you will always be a prince, and I hope, in time, you will come to appreciate what that truly means. One day, you might even want to be one.’

Kevin sat down again. This was obviously important to his mom. It was probably kind of important to Genovia, too. Maybe he could make it work, if he could get out of that whole royal address thing.

‘I don’t want anyone to know,’ he said.

His mum threw her hands up in an exaggerated shrug, like she just didn’t know what to do with him anymore. ‘Kevin, you are heir to the throne. People are going to find out.’

‘Just until I finish high school,’ he explained. ‘I just want to finish high school as an anonymous nobody, like you planned. Then I’ll be a prince. So long as I can still go to NYU,’ he added.

Kevin’s mom considered this for a moment, tapping the toes of one designer-stiletto-clad foot on the floor. ‘And you’ll agree to the lessons with Cheryl?’

‘Do I have to?’ he asked.

‘It’s that or you move to Genovia and begin your responsibilities as heir apparent to the Genovian throne immediately.’

‘You just said you can’t make me move to Genovia.’

‘I am a princess, I can do whatever I want.’

‘My dad’s a cop.’

‘I have diplomatic immunity.’

His mom smiled. She knew she had won. Kevin looked to his dad for help. His dad shrugged. He knew Kevin’s mom had won too.

‘Fine. I’ll do the lessons with Cheryl.’

‘And we will continue to keep your true identity a secret until you graduate high school.’ Kevin’s mom held out her hand and Kevin shook it. He couldn’t help feeling like he was signing away his soul.


	3. Chapter 3

Kevin got a D on his World History essay.

‘Perhaps we should talk about setting up some tutoring sessions after school,’ Ms. McCoy suggested, as Kevin stared at the red lines she had drawn all over his essay.

‘No,’ he said, quickly. ‘I mean, thank you, Ms. McCoy, but that’s okay. Betty already offered to tutor me.’

‘I did?’ Betty asked. Kevin stomped on her foot. ‘Ow. I mean, of course I did. What else are friends for?’ She smiled sweetly up at Ms. McCoy. Ms. McCoy looked between the two of them. Kevin had no idea what his face was doing but he hoped it was convincing.

‘Well, okay,’ Ms. McCoy said at last. ‘That’s very kind of you, Betty, but make sure you leave time for your own studies too.’

‘Of course, Ms. McCoy.’ Betty waited until Ms. McCoy was out of earshot before leaning over to Kevin and whispering, ‘If you want me to tutor you, you have to help me with my video about the poker games at Pop’s.’

‘Well, I don’t actually want you to tutor me,’ Kevin whispered back. ‘I just don’t want my dad’s new girlfriend to tutor me either.’

‘Fine.’ Betty sat back in her seat. ‘Flunk the class and lie to the woman your dad is probably going to marry. That sounds like a great plan.’

Kevin glanced around to make sure Ms. McCoy was still out of earshot. She was at the back of the class, talking to Ethel. She didn’t look as though she had heard anything. ’Who says he’s going to marry her?’ Kevin asked, rounding on Betty. ‘They only just started dating.’

Betty levelled him with a look of pity. ‘Kevin, people our parents’ age don’t just date each other. My bet is you and Josie will be sharing a bathroom by Christmas.’

Some days, Kevin wondered why he was even friends with Betty.

-

‘So, you’ll come over after school today and help me out, right?’ Betty asked, on the way to Kevin’s locker between classes. ‘We can go through your essay first and see what you did wrong, and then you can help me with research for the video.’

‘What research?’ Kevin asked. He had resigned himself to the idea of letting Betty tutor him, even if it did mean helping her with her stupid video. Even if Betty was wrong about Kevin’s dad and Ms. McCoy, he still didn’t really want to fail World History if he could help it.

‘Oh, I’ve had a genius idea,’ Betty explained, bouncing around animatedly next to him. She always got this way when she was excited, like her brilliant ideas just wanted to bubble out of her. ‘You were right, there’s no way I could get into one of those games without Pop recognising me. So, what I need to do is find someone who is already in on them and convince them to wear a wire.’

Kevin stopped in the middle of the hallway, so abruptly that Ethel almost walked into him, only swerving to avoid him at the last second. Betty carried on a few feet before she realised Kevin was no longer next to her, turned around, and walked back to stand in front of him.

‘Betty, that’s insane.’

‘No, it’s brilliant,’ Betty argued. ‘It might take a little longer to find the right person and then find something good to use to convince them, but I’ll be getting the information from the inside, unfiltered.’

‘Now you’re talking about blackmail.’

‘Only a little bit.’ Betty shifted from one foot to the other. ‘And it’s to expose an illegal gambling ring.’

‘My dad is the sheriff,’ Kevin reminded her. Betty rolled her eyes.

‘Please, he’ll be thanking me if I crack this case. I’m basically doing his job for him.’

Kevin shook his head and started walking again. ‘You are not blackmailing anyone.’ Kevin sighed. Betty always managed to get him to help one way or another. ‘I’ll help you figure out a way to get what you need without committing a felony, okay?’

‘Fine,’ Betty agreed, reluctantly. ‘But you’ll never be a journalist with that attitude.’

‘I don’t want to be a journalist.’ Besides, Kevin suspected journalism was probably one of many career routes that were closed to him now that he knew about his true identity. As was the life of crime Betty seemed determined to pull him in to.

Maybe he would talk to his mom about that whole diplomatic immunity thing, just in case.

Joaquin was blocking Kevin’s locker again, when they got to it. It was a different guy than last time, not a Serpent either, which made a change, but Joaquin was still very definitely pressed up against Kevin’s locker, with some guy’s tongue down his throat.

‘Excuse me,’ Kevin said, knowing full well it would have no effect. Actually, Joaquin did move. He pushed himself away from Kevin’s locker so that he could push the other guy up against it instead. Their mouths didn’t disconnect once during the entire move.

‘Hey,’ Betty yelled, clapping her hands right next to their ears. Joaquin and the other guy leapt apart and away from Kevin’s locker, their eyes wide with surprise. Joaquin ran one hand through his hair, his pale blue eyes flitting from Betty to Kevin and back again. ‘Move it,’ Betty said, shoving them both out of the way. She leant her shoulder firmly on Joaquin’s locker door so that she was facing Kevin, blocking out the other two boys.

Joaquin and the other guy stood there, staring at the back of Betty’s head for a few seconds, neither of them saying a word. Joaquin looked kind of amused. The other guy looked like he was in shock. Betty inspected her own pale pink fingernails. Eventually, Joaquin and the other guy simply walked away, shooting looks over their shoulders at Betty.

Right, Kevin remembered, that was why Betty was his best friend.

‘You really should complain to Weatherbee about that,’ Betty said, as Kevin opened his locker.

‘I already asked for a different locker but apparently there aren’t any.’

Betty scoffed. ‘Or this administration simply doesn’t care about catering for all of its students equally. I’ll bet if a football player wanted a new locker he’d get one.’

‘Archie plays football,’ Kevin reminded her.

‘Exactly,’ Betty said. ‘So I know all about the preferential treatment this school bestows upon its athletes. This place is a hierarchical nightmare.’ This was not a new topic for Betty, but it was the first time Kevin had heard it since finding out that he himself was most likely eligible for some pretty extreme preferential treatment. He was really glad he had talked his mom into keeping the whole prince thing a secret until he graduated. He was going to need all of that time just to figure out how to tell Betty.

‘It’s just a locker,’ Kevin said, closing the door and bringing the subject back to safer territory. ‘And anyway, sometimes I go whole days without Joaquin making out with anyone in front of it. I think he skips school a lot.’

‘What do they even see in him?’ Betty asked. She pressed her face against Joaquin’s locker, trying to peer in through the slots to see inside.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Kevin replied, pulling her away from the locker. ‘His gorgeous hair, his dazzling eyes…’ Even Kevin was not entirely immune to the beauty of Joaquin DeSantos. Although, apparently Betty was, if the look of disgust on her face was anything to go by.

‘He can barely string a sentence together.’

’I don’t think they do a lot of talking.’

-

Normally, it was just Kevin, Betty, and Jughead at their lunch table. Archie usually sat with the rest of the football team, and no one else really talked to them. People didn’t tend to want to spend time with someone whose hobby was making YouTube documentaries that revealed everyone’s secrets, and as Betty’s best friend, Kevin had ended up on Betty’s side of those burnt bridges. 

Not that Kevin really minded. Most of the time, he liked helping Betty with her YouTube videos. Even when they got in trouble, like with the musical last year, it was always way more fun than anything else they could have been doing. Even with her willingness to break the law, Betty was definitely the most exciting person Kevin knew. Maybe a little bit because of it.

Jughead, Kevin could have lived without, but Betty liked him for some reason, so Kevin put up with his weird hat and his brooding writer routine. He really wished he could get him to take the hat off though.

Today, though, there had been some sort of mixup in Kevin’s usual lunchtime routine, because when he and Betty arrived at their usual table, Jughead was already there, but he wasn’t alone. Archie and Josie were with him.

‘What are you doing over here?’ Betty asked, putting her tray down next to Jughead’s, across from Archie. Kevin sat down on Betty’s other side.

‘What, am I not allowed to be seen with you now?’ Archie asked.

‘You’re just usually with your knucklehead football buddies, that’s all.’

‘Don’t be a snob, Betty.’

‘Are they always like this?’ Josie asked, leaning around Archie to look at Kevin.

‘Yes,’ Kevin and Jughead both said at once. Josie laughed and stole a handful of fries off of Archie’s plate. 

Betty bit into a carrot stick with an impressive amount of animosity and Archie looked down at the table, his cheeks flushing pink. Kevin knew from experience that they both found it more than a little embarrassing to be caught acting like kids with each other. Neither of them seemed able to help it though. As long as Kevin had known them, they had been like that.

‘The reason we’re here,’ Josie explained, between bites of the fries she had taken from Archie’s plate, ‘is because we need your help. Well, I need your help. Archie’s already helping me.’

Kevin couldn’t stop looking at those fries. It seemed so weird to him. Who ate someone else’s fries? She didn’t even ask. Archie didn’t seem to mind either. He just ate the few fries she had left on his plate, as though it was totally normal for someone to steal half of your fries without asking.

‘What with?’ Betty asked. She obviously didn’t find it weird that Josie was eating Archie’s fries.

‘I’m organising a concert for The Pussycats, here at the school, next Saturday, and I was wondering if you would help me make some posters, Betty. Maybe make a little promotional video we could put on our socials too?’

Betty frowned and tapped her chin with one finger, like she was really thinking about it, but Kevin could tell she wanted to jump at the chance. Her eyes were glittering with ideas already.

‘It’s pretty short notice.’

‘That’s why I need help,’ Josie said. ‘I set the date with Weatherbee before summer vacation and I totally forgot about it until my mom reminded me yesterday. If we don’t do it next Saturday, there’s no way he’ll give us another date before the Non-Denominational Winter Dance, and I’m hoping if we nail this concert he’ll let The Pussycats be the entertainment for the dance.’

Betty held off, as though she was still considering it. Kevin caught Archie’s eye across the table and Archie rolled his eyes at him. Kevin suppressed a smile and Archie grinned back at him. It was a risky move. If Betty had caught Archie rolling his eyes, she would have shut down immediately and refused to help. Luckily, for Josie, she didn’t catch him.

‘Okay,’ Betty said, at last. ‘But I’m working on kind of a big project myself at the moment, so we’ll have to make it work around that.’

‘Absolutely,’ Josie agreed. ‘Thank you, Betty.’

Betty shrugged. ‘I’m busy after school today, but if you and The Pussycats could move some rehearsals around, we could get most of the prep work done during G and T this afternoon and I could probably finish the poster and the video tomorrow. The day after, at the latest, depending on what you want with the video.’

‘I think that could be arranged.’ Josie smiled and stood up from the table. ‘I’ll go and let The Pussycats know about our change of schedule. You coming, Arch?’

Archie wolfed down the rest of his lunch and stood up too. ‘See you in G and T.’

Kevin watched Archie and Josie leave the lunch room, their heads bent together, talking the whole way. Just before they left the room Archie said something that made Josie tilt her head back with laughter. Archie smiled back at her, his own head bowed a little. Josie hooked her arm around Archie’s elbow and left it there as they disappeared into the hall.

‘Are Archie and Josie dating?’ Kevin asked.

Betty scrunched up her nose. ‘I don’t know. I try not to think about Archie’s sex life, thank you.’

‘Who said anything about sex?’ Kevin blanched. He could feel his cheeks turning pink. ‘They just seem really close, that’s all. She ate his fries.’ Kevin regretted saying it even as the words were leaving his mouth.

‘She what?’ Betty asked.

‘She ate his fries,’ Kevin repeated. God, it sounded stupid when he said it out loud. ‘I don’t know,’ he continued at the incredulous stare Betty was giving him. ‘She just leant over and took the fries off his plate without asking.’

‘And you think that means something?’ Betty asked, in that tone of hers that suggested she didn’t really expect you to have an answer.

‘No, Kevin’s right,’ Jughead said, stealing the last carrot stick from Betty’s plate. ‘It definitely means they’re having sex.’

Kevin chose not to think too much about that.

-

The paint had been cleaned up in the supply closet so, even though Jughead tried to protest, they made him go back in there during Gifted and Talented. Josie and her bandmates, Valerie and Melody, actually came to class for once, and spent it huddled over Betty’s laptop, putting together their poster and discussing ideas for the video. The poster ended up being done in minutes so Archie was sent to print copies and put them up around the school, which meant no guitar lesson for Kevin. He spent that period reading over all of Ms. McCoy’s notes on his World History essay instead. There were a lot of them.

The rest of the school day was uneventful. It was such a normal day, in fact, that by the time Kevin and Betty left school to go back to her house, he had almost forgotten about the whole prince thing. They were talking about how quickly they could get through Kevin’s essay and come up with a plan for Betty’s video, so they’d maybe be able to watch a movie tonight too, when Betty stopped in her tracks, her mouth hanging open.

‘What?’ Kevin asked, spinning around. His blood ran cold when he saw what Betty was staring at. There was a large, black limousine parked across three parking spaces in front of the school, and standing in front of it, her flaming red hair billowing in the wind, and a giant pair of sunglasses covering her eyes, was Kevin’s mom’s cousin, Cheryl.

‘Who is that?’ Betty asked.

Cheryl must have seen Kevin at the same time he saw her because no sooner were the words out of Betty’s mouth then Cheryl stood up straighter and started waving right at him. ‘Bonjour, cousin,’ she shouted across the sea of Riverdale High students who had all stopped to stare at her. Kevin felt himself start to blush as their gazes all swept to him instead. What was she doing here, at the school? His mom hadn’t even told him his lessons were supposed to start today.

‘Is she talking to you?’ Betty asked, confused.

Kevin nodded. Cheryl was still waving.

‘Did she say ‘cousin’?’

‘Technically, she’s my mom’s cousin,’ Kevin explained. Cheryl was starting to look impatient. She had stopped waving now and had crossed her arms over her chest instead, a sure sign that if Kevin didn’t go to her immediately, she would come to him, which would be an even worse disaster. ‘I have to go.’

‘But you said you’d help me with my video.’ Betty’s eyes narrowed. Kevin wasn’t sure if it was at him or Cheryl.

‘I’m sorry,’ Kevin said, already taking a few steps backward to where Cheryl was waiting. ‘I didn’t know she’d be here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’ Once he had figured out how on earth he was going to explain this.

Kevin ran over to Cheryl, fully aware that everyone in the parking lot was looking at him. As he reached her, Cheryl pushed her sunglasses up onto her head and smiled down at him. They were probably about the same height, really, but Kevin honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Cheryl out of six-inch heels.

‘You should know better than to keep a lady waiting, cousin,’ Cheryl said, leaning down so Kevin could kiss her on both cheeks, the way she had taught him to when he was five. ‘Is this polyester?’ she asked, pinching the shoulder of Kevin’s favourite sweater. She let the fabric go, tutting, and wiped her fingers on the red cotton of her dress. ‘I have so much to teach you.’ She gestured towards the car door. ‘No time to waste.’

Kevin opened the door and let Cheryl in before sliding in after her.

‘Back to the hotel, please, Toni.’ Cheryl’s driver nodded and started up the car. Kevin glanced out of the window and saw Betty still standing on the sidewalk, watching the car pull away. ‘Who was that girl you were talking to?’ Cheryl asked, peering over Kevin’s shoulder.

‘My friend, Betty.’

‘Hmm.’ Cheryl watched Betty through the limo’s back window. ‘Short for Elizabeth, I presume?’ Kevin nodded. ‘She’d be much prettier if she wore her hair down. May I ask what the topic of conversation was, that was so important you could keep your dear cousin waiting?’

‘I was meant to be going to her house to help her with a project,’ Kevin explained. The further away they got from the school, the more annoyed he was about it, actually. Not that he had particularly wanted to help with Betty’s video, but she had promised to look through his essay with him. And, if he was being completely honest, he was glad Betty had picked today to ask him to come over, because he knew Archie had football practice after school, and when Archie had football practice, he usually came straight home to have a shower after, and sometimes, when Archie had a shower, he would walk around the house without a shirt on afterwards, until Betty started on at him about how hypocritical it was that their patriarchal society had no problem with his male nudity, but if she started walking around with no shirt on, she would be arrested. Then Archie would usually put on a shirt and disappear into his room until it was time to eat. Still, Betty’s resulting lectures on the male gaze were usually worth it to see Archie without his shirt on.

Cheryl’s cherry red lips pulled down in a frown. ‘I’m sorry, your mother told me you were aware of our new arrangement.’

‘I am,’ Kevin said, shaking the thought of Archie’s abs out of his head. ‘I just didn’t realise we would be starting so soon.’

‘Ah, well we have a lot of ground to cover,’ Cheryl said, cheerily, ‘and there’s no time like the present, dear cousin.’

-

Cheryl really had rented out the entire top floor of the Five Seasons. She explained, as Kevin followed her and her driver, Toni, who turned out to actually be one of Cheryl’s bodyguards, to her suite, that, while the largest suite was for her own use, the surrounding rooms were occupied by various members of the Genovian royal guard and household, including her bodyguards, assistants, and personal masseuse, and the other rooms would be kept empty both for security purposes and in case she had to entertain any visiting dignitaries during her stay. Kevin’s mom, apparently, was staying in a room on the floor below, with her bodyguard in the room next door.

Kevin had been thinking, in the limo on the way to the hotel, about Betty’s aborted plan to get someone on the inside of Pop’s alleged poker games to help her out. It had given him an idea. Maybe his mom didn’t want Cheryl to take his place in line for the Genovian throne, but Cheryl herself might be open to the possibility. Maybe he could get his own man on the inside.

‘Your first lesson,’ Cheryl said, as they stood in the doorway, waiting for Toni to check the suite, ‘is how to make a perfect sidecar.’ Toni gave them the nod and Cheryl headed over to the bar in the corner of the room. Kevin watched as Cheryl poured cognac, orange liqueur, and lemon juice into a cocktail shaker, shook it, strained the drink into a cocktail glass, and added a lemon twist for garnish, then Cheryl had him do exactly the same thing. By the time Kevin had finished the second cocktail, Cheryl had finished the first one, so she picked up the one he had made and took a sip. ‘Acceptable,’ she said, ‘but a little more cognac next time. Now, I’d like to start with the history of Genovia, but if you’re to be officially presented at the Christmas Eve Ball, I suppose we will have to begin preparing you for that immediately.’

‘Oh,’ Kevin said, as Cheryl sat down in one velvet covered armchair. She gestured for him to sit in the one opposite it. ‘I’m not doing that anymore.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Cheryl said, after a moment of silence.

‘Well, mom and I agreed that we would keep this whole thing a secret until I graduate high school,’ Kevin explained, sinking down into the armchair. ‘And actually, the thing is… I don’t really want to be a prince, at all.’

‘You do not want to be a prince?’ Cheryl put her sidecar down on the coffee table between them.

‘Well, no,’ Kevin said, squirming under Cheryl’s intense gaze. ‘Like you said, there’s a lot of ground to cover, and I just don’t really think I’d be any good at it. Not like you. And I know you’re next in line so I thought maybe…’

‘You thought I might like to usurp you and take the crown for myself?’ Cheryl asked, one flaming red eyebrow raised.

‘Well… yeah.’

‘Yes,’ Cheryl corrected. ‘I see.’ She got out of her chair and, very calmly walked over to the window. ‘Kevin, I have given my life to Genovia, willingly, since before I could talk.’ She turned to face him, her silhouette illuminated by the sun through the window. ‘I kept your mother’s secret for all these years. I have sheltered you in my own home, so that you might get to know your country without your people ever knowing who you truly were. I have pretended that I was next in line to the throne, knowing that it was not true. Even after my own parents died so tragically young, in the service of the Genovian crown, I have never hesitated to make my own sacrifices, to do whatever is best for Genovia. And do you know why I have done all of this?’ Kevin shook his head.

‘Because of my love for our great country. For Genovia, I would do anything. Now you tell me that you do not care about Genovia? That you wish to simply throw her away to whoever is most convenient for you? So you can what, attend an American high school? Stand around chatting to your friends? You are Kevin Philippe Grimaldi Renaldo, Prince of Genovia and heir to the throne, and one day you will rule Genovia, because that is the way it is supposed to be, and I care too much about our people to let you hand them off like some unwanted Christmas present.’

Kevin didn’t know what to say. Cheryl was still staring down at him, her eyes full of fire and anger. He knew she loved Genovia, but he had thought that love might make her want to rule it. It hadn’t occurred to him that she might love the traditions of the country so much that the idea of ruling it would offend her.

‘You forgot Keller,’ he said, panicking. It was the first thing he could think of.

‘I most certainly did not,’ Cheryl said. She picked up her sidecar and took a long drink. ‘Now, we will have no more talk of you shirking your responsibilities as the future ruler of Genovia. Is that understood?’ Kevin nodded. ‘Good. Now, to the ball-’

‘I’m still not doing the ball,’ Kevin interrupted. Cheryl snapped her attention back to him and Kevin flinched, but stood his ground. ‘Mom and I agreed that I would do these lessons now but that we wouldn’t tell anyone about me being a prince until after I graduate high school, like she wanted to do anyway. She promised we could keep it a secret until then.’

Cheryl stared down at him. ‘Well, I shall have to discuss that with your mother.’

Thankfully, there was a knock on the door at that moment. Toni opened it to reveal a tall, skinny man, wearing a leather jacket and jeans the exact same shade of purple as the streaks in his long, dark hair, which he wore in a bun on the top of his head.

‘Darling.’ Cheryl rushed forward and the man kissed her on both cheeks. ‘Darling, you are just in time.’

‘I see that,’ the man said, tilting his head to the side and looking at Kevin. He unzipped a pocket in his jacket and pulled out a pair of hairdressing clippers. ‘Don’t worry, it shouldn’t take long.’

It was then that Kevin realised exactly what he had done, agreeing to spend an hour with Cheryl, unsupervised, every single day. Suddenly, he wished more than anything that he was blackmailing a mobster with Betty.


	4. Chapter 4

Cheryl made Kevin take the limousine home, despite his protests that his house wasn’t even that far away and he could easily walk.

‘Royalty does not walk,’ she insisted, ushering him into the back of the car. ‘From now on, Toni will pick you up and take you to school, and at the end of the day, she will collect you from school and bring you to me. No arguments,’ Cheryl added, when Kevin opened his mouth to argue. ‘Tomorrow we will look at your wardrobe. Royalty also does not wear synthetic fibres.’ She slammed the door shut and Kevin sank back in the leather seat.

‘I like your new haircut,’ Toni said, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.

‘Thanks,’ Kevin mumbled in response. He appreciated the effort, but he could tell she didn’t really mean it, and anyway he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it.

Kevin’s dad wasn’t so encouraging about his new hair. His dad was unboxing takeout when Kevin got home, back in his sheriff’s uniform at last. When Kevin walked into the kitchen his dad’s mouth fell open with shock before he quickly closed it again and tried to compose himself.

‘Did you do something different with your hair?’ he asked, mildly. Kevin sat down and grabbed one of the takeout boxes straight out of his dad’s hand.

‘Cheryl,’ he said in response.

‘It looks good,’ his dad said, taking the box back. ‘It’s very… trendy.’

Cheryl’s crony, whose name Kevin still didn’t know because he and Cheryl exclusively referred to each other as ‘Darling’, had butchered Kevin’s hair. He had put highlights in it. Nothing as drastic as his own swathes of purple, but small streaks of light that definitely didn’t look natural. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he had practically shaved the sides of Kevin’s head, and the hair he had left he had fashioned into a kind of quiff with an alarming amount of hair gel. Kevin couldn’t wait to wash it out.

‘Dad, I don’t think I can do this,’ Kevin said, seriously. ‘I know I have to be a prince and everything, but there must be someone else who can teach me all the stuff I need to know. All Cheryl taught me today was how to make a sidecar and not to let men wearing purple pants anywhere near my hair.’

His dad laughed. ‘I know Cheryl is a handful, but your mom knows way more about this stuff than I do, so if she thinks Cheryl’s the right person for the job, then I think we just have to trust her.’ He slid a plate towards Kevin. As Kevin happily started to eat, finally, his dad reached out and pressed down on Kevin’s quiff, which sprang straight back up again when he let go. ‘Eat up,’ his dad said, picking up his own fork. ‘Then you can go and wash your hair. Twice.’

-

Once Kevin had washed and styled it himself, he didn’t think his hair looked too bad, actually. It wasn’t really that different to how he normally had it, it was just a little lighter and a little tidier. You couldn’t even really tell that he had highlights, now that he had got all of that gel out of it. It just looked like he had been in the sun. He kind of liked it. Maybe Cheryl wasn’t quite so nuts after all.

He still wasn’t sold on the car though. When he left the house the next morning, Toni was there, waiting, just as Cheryl had said she would be, and it didn’t feel any less weird than it had when she had driven him home the night before.

‘Good morning, Prince,’ she said, holding the door open for him.

‘Please, call me Kevin,’ he said. Toni smiled.

‘I don’t think your cousin would approve,’ she said, and Kevin knew she was probably right. ‘May I say though, that I like what you’ve done with your hair this morning. It looks much more you.’

‘Thank you,’ Kevin said, pleased, as he got into the car. Toni had great hair. It was long and streaked pink and she wore it in a neat plait down her back, but you could tell that it would be full and curly when she let it out. If he could have anyone approve of his hair, it would probably be Toni. Plus, unlike the night before, she actually sounded like she meant it today.

Toni’s compliment gave Kevin a tiny boost of confidence. ‘Could we swing by my friend’s house and pick her up?’ he asked as Toni got behind the wheel of the car.

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Whatever you want, Prince.’

Kevin gave her Betty and Archie’s address and Toni started the car. ’Please, don’t call me Prince in front of her though,’ Kevin added quickly. ‘It’s meant to be a secret.’

He saw Toni suppress a laugh in the rearview mirror. ‘Of course.’

She had a point, he supposed. Even if Toni did just call him Kevin, he was still going to have to explain why he was being driven to school in a limousine, when usually he and Betty just walked.

When they got to Betty’s house, Betty and Archie were standing on the porch, arguing. They both stopped when they saw the limousine and stared at it as it came to a stop outside their house. Kevin felt like he was at a disadvantage already. Archie didn’t normally walk to school with them. He had only been expecting Betty and now he was going to have to face both of them together.

Kevin pushed the car door open before Toni had a chance to get out and open it herself.

‘Hey,’ he said, poking his head out of the open door. Betty’s mouth fell open. Archie gave him a little wave, which Kevin returned meekly. ‘Want a lift?’ he asked.

Betty climbed into the car first, and Archie got in after her, closing the door behind them.

‘This is unexpected,’ Archie said, while Betty just stared at Kevin, dazed. Archie looked around and bounced a little in his seat. He leaned forward and stuck his hand through the partition. ‘Hi,’ he said, ‘I’m Archie.’

‘Toni Topaz,’ Toni introduced herself as she shook Archie’s hand. ‘Are we ready to go?’ she asked, looking at Kevin.

‘Yes, thank you,’ Kevin said. Toni nodded and started up the car, and Archie settled into his seat.

‘What the hell,’ Betty asked, slowly and deliberately, ‘is going on?’

‘It’s my cousin, Cheryl’s, car. Toni’s her driver. She insisted we take the car to school this morning. She thought it would be fun,’ Kevin explained, trying to keep his voice level and chipper. He knew it wasn’t a particularly strong excuse, but he figured Betty had seen just enough of Cheryl the day before to suspect that she was eccentric enough to lend Kevin a limousine just for fun.

‘Cool.’ Archie shrugged. God bless Archie.

Betty, however, simply continued to stare.

‘Did you get highlights?’ she asked, reaching out to touch Kevin’s hair. He swatted her hand away before she could get to it. He was actually pleased with how it looked this morning and he didn’t want her messing it up.

‘Cheryl took me to get a haircut,’ he said, patting the back of his head self-consciously. ‘Don’t you like it?’

‘I think it looks good,’ Archie said, when Betty didn’t reply straight away.

‘You ditched me to get a haircut with your cousin?’ Betty asked. Her lips had gone all small, like they did when she was really mad.

‘My mom’s cousin,’ Kevin corrected. Betty’s lips completely disappeared and he realised he had made a huge mistake. ‘And I didn’t know about the haircut when I went.’

‘Well,’ Betty said, after a moment so intense even Archie hadn’t been able to think of anything to break the uncomfortable silence. ‘Now that you’ve got your oh-so-important highlights, you can come over tonight and help me with the video, right?’

‘I can’t,’ Kevin said, his voice small. ‘I have to go hang out with Cheryl again.’

‘What?’ Betty demanded. ‘But you promised you would help me come up with a plan that didn’t involve blackmail.’

‘Excuse me?’ Archie asked. Betty shushed him.

‘You’ve been against this video from the start and now you’re just using your family as an excuse not to help me with it. Admit it.’

‘No, I’m not.’ Kevin protested. ‘I never pretended that I liked the idea of you going after Pop’s, but I’m not using my family as an excuse. I just… have prior commitments with them.’

‘What commitments?’ Betty asked. ‘They weren’t even here a few days ago, and now you have to spend all your time with them? In limos? Getting highlights?’

‘Oh, shut up, Betty,’ Archie said. ‘You know Kevin hardly ever gets to see his mom and her side of the family, and it’s none of your business what he does with his hair. Would you just, for once in your life, accept that not everything is about you?’

Betty was so angry she didn’t even respond. She just crossed her arms and glared at Archie, until the car finally came to a stop.

‘We’re here,’ Toni said, into the awful silence.

Betty opened the door and stormed out of the car without another word.

‘Don’t worry about her,’ Archie said, after a moment. ‘She’ll have calmed down by lunchtime. She just doesn’t like it when people do things without consulting her first, you know?’ Kevin nodded. He knew Archie was right. This wasn’t the first time he and Betty had argued and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. ‘For what it’s worth,’ Archie said, one hand on the door handle. ‘I think your new hair looks pretty hot. Thanks for the ride,’ he added to Toni, before leaving Kevin alone in the car.

Toni let Kevin have a moment to compose himself before she spoke. ‘I’ll pick you up here after school to take you to Princess Cheryl,’ she said. Kevin nodded. She was right, he would have to leave the limo eventually, it might as well be now. ‘Have a good day at school, Prince.’

-

Betty didn’t talk to Kevin once, the whole rest of the day. She ignored him in all of their classes together, and she wasn’t even at lunch. Neither was Jughead. Or Josie and Archie. Kevin had to eat his lunch on his own, like Veronica Lodge, who sat at her own table in the corner, reading a different book every day, while she ate. Except she wasn’t even actually alone, because she at least had her bodyguard to sit with her, which was the reason no one else did. Veronica’s family was the richest in Riverdale, and her dad was apparently so worried about Veronica being kidnapped and held for ransom that he insisted she always be accompanied by a bodyguard everywhere she went. There were rumours that Veronica’s dad was actually in the mob. Betty was biding her time, waiting for the right moment before she started that particular investigation.

Kevin thanked his lucky stars that neither his mom or Cheryl had suggested he needed a bodyguard. He couldn’t stand the idea of everyone knowing when he was in the bathroom because his bodyguard was waiting outside, like Veronica’s always did.

Even in Gifted and Talented, everyone else was busy helping Josie organise her concert. Kevin found he spent the whole day just counting down the hours until he could leave school, and go to his lesson with Cheryl, which was how he knew things were bad.

Kevin’s mom was in Cheryl’s suite when Kevin arrived. As were a whole lot of clothes, people with pins clenched in their teeth, and a distant relation of Kevin’s, who everyone called Fangs. Kevin had no idea what Fangs’s real name was, or even, really, how he was related to them. When they were younger, Fangs had spent a lot of time at Cheryl’s chateau, but Kevin hadn’t seen him for a couple of years, because he had been in Paris, studying fashion design, which explained all the clothes.

Kevin’s mom was standing on a small, round step, in front of three mirrors by the window, wearing a beautiful, floor length, navy blue dress. Fangs was directing a small army of assistants, who were pinning the dress in various places, until it fit his mom perfectly.

‘Hello, sweetheart,’ Kevin’s mom said, smiling at him in the mirror. ‘I like your new haircut.’

‘Thanks,’ Kevin replied. He was so glad to see his mom there. Maybe she would be able to control Cheryl, even a little bit. ‘I like your new dress.’

‘Thank you,’ Fangs said. Now that the dress was perfectly fitted, he held out a hand to help Kevin’s mom down from her little stage, and the assistants all scattered. ‘Your turn next,’ he said to Kevin, as he led Kevin’s mom to the bathroom. One of the assistants followed her in, Kevin guessed to help her out of the dress.

‘Fangs has come to help us fix your wardrobe,’ Cheryl explained, as Fangs started circling Kevin, looking him up and down from all angles.

‘I like my clothes,’ Kevin replied. Fangs let out a small laugh from behind him.

‘That, dear cousin, is because you don’t know any better. Once you’ve seen the clothes Fangs creates, you will change your mind. Do you have anything that will fit him off the rack?’ Cheryl asked, shifting her attention to Fangs, who was now holding Kevin’s left arm up, parallel to the floor, and inspecting it closely.

‘He’s a very similar size to one of my usual models,’ Fangs said. ‘I should have a few things that will only need minor alterations.’

‘Excellent.’ Cheryl clapped her hands together with glee. ‘Take that awful jumper off and up you go, then,’ she said, pointing towards the little stage Kevin’s mom had just been standing on. Fangs started searching through the garment bags strewn around the room, and barking orders at his assistants. Kevin’s mom came out of the bathroom, now in a simple white blouse and blue jeans.

‘I have some important calls I have to make,’ she said, with an apologetic glance at Kevin. ‘Pick whatever you like, darling. Cheryl and Fangs will sort it all out. Perhaps we can go for dinner again this weekend?’

‘Sure,’ Kevin said. One of Fangs’s assistants started to unbutton his shirt and he didn’t even have the energy to stop them.

Kevin’s mom waved goodbye and shut the door behind her, leaving him to the mercy of Cheryl and Fangs, and Kevin was so worn out from being ignored by Betty all day that he didn’t even care.

‘What is wrong with you?’ Cheryl asked, after half an hour of Kevin being forced into and out of various shirts, trousers, jackets, and coats. There had even been a waistcoat at one point, but Kevin couldn’t remember if he had liked it or not.

‘Nothing.’ Kevin sighed, as Fangs stuck another pin in the side of the leather jacket he was wearing.

‘Okay.’ Cheryl clapped her hands and everyone froze. ‘Everybody out.’ Fangs, his assistants, and even Toni all immediately put down what they were doing and filed out of the room. Once the last person was gone and the door was closed, Cheryl sat down in her velvet armchair, and picked up a sidecar that was already waiting for her on the coffee table. ‘Now, tell me what is wrong, and don’t lie. When you are sad, you slouch, and if your posture is wrong, Fangs will get the adjustments wrong, and this will all have been a waste of everyone’s time. So talk.’

Kevin fidgeted with the zip on the jacket. ‘I just had a fight with my friend, Betty, that’s all.’

‘A fight?’ Cheryl asked. ‘I hope you mean a disagreement, dear cousin, because princes do not fight with teenage girls.’

‘A disagreement,’ Kevin corrected. 

‘And what was this disagreement about?’ Cheryl asked.

‘My hair,’ Kevin admitted. ‘The car, the fact that I bailed on her yesterday and today to come here.’

‘She doesn’t like your hair?’ Cheryl asked. ‘But it looks wonderful, even if you have neglected to style it like you were supposed to.’

‘It wasn’t really about the hair,’ Kevin explained. ‘She knows that I’m keeping something from her.’

Cheryl nodded. ‘You are very close, you and this Betty?’

‘She’s my best friend.’

Cheryl shrugged. ‘Then tell her the truth.’

Kevin shook his head. ‘I can’t. She wouldn’t understand.’

‘Kevin.’ Cheryl put down her drink and leant forward, looking him straight in the eye. ‘Being royal is not easy. It comes with many sacrifices and there are certain things about your life that your friend, Betty, will never be able to understand. I know that you are worried about how you will cope with these new responsibilities but, despite your little wobble yesterday, I have no doubt that you will be a great prince, because you are a great person, cousin, and I am sure that this Betty knows that too. If it hurts you to lie to her, then tell her the truth. She may find it difficult to understand at first, but if she is a true friend, then I am sure that she will learn to.’

Maybe Cheryl was right. Maybe if Kevin told Betty the truth, she would understand why he had hidden it from her in the first place. Or maybe she would just yell at him again, about what a bad friend he was for not telling her straight away. Archie was right, Betty hated it when people made decisions without consulting her, and the decision to keep his real identity as a prince secret from her had been a pretty big one. Still, he knew deep down that he wouldn’t really be able to hide it from her until graduation. 

‘I want to tell her,’ Kevin said, at last, because that was the truth. Kevin always told Betty everything, apart from about his crush on Archie, of course. It didn’t feel right to keep this from her. ‘I just don’t know how.’ He couldn’t just walk up to her at school and tell her that he was a prince. She’d think he had lost his mind.

‘Well, you don’t need to worry about that today,’ Cheryl said. ‘All you need to worry about right now is which of these jackets you like best. Personally, I think the leather looks very sexy. We should have Fangs make the alterations to that one first.’

Kevin laughed at Cheryl describing the jacket as ‘sexy’, but he had to admit, it was his favourite too.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘I like this one.’

‘Very good.’ Cheryl called everyone back into the room and went straight back to bossing Fangs around. The jacket was already basically his size, so Fangs sent one of his assistants off to do the alterations, while Kevin tried some of the other clothes on again, standing up straighter this time, to make sure they got the fit right. He even let Fangs show him a few designs he had been working on, of other things that Kevin might like. Kevin actually started to enjoy himself.

Cheryl was right. He would figure out a way to tell Betty eventually and hope that she took it well, but for now he would just enjoy being a secret prince, with a distant cousin willing to design couture outfits for him.

Fang’s assistant was quick, and Fangs presented Kevin with the finished jacket before he left. Kevin ran the fabric between his fingers. He knew Betty would lecture him about the leather industry as soon as she saw it, but it was so buttery soft in his hands, and when he put it back on, it fit so perfectly that it made him stand up a little straighter just because he felt so good in it.

‘Thank you,’ he said, with feeling. Fangs beamed back at him.

‘To have made the Prince of Genovia smile is thanks enough,’ Fangs said, with a small bow.

The bow was embarrassing but Kevin had to admit, he was really looking forward to wearing this jacket to school.


	5. Chapter 5

For the first time since Kevin’s mom had told him the truth in the restaurant at the Five Seasons, Kevin felt light, like he really might be able to balance everything after all. Okay, so Betty was mad at him. Betty had been mad at him before. She’d get over it. And, okay, so he was still failing World History, and his dad was still dating Ms. McCoy, and he still had to have prince lessons with Cheryl every single day, but at least Cheryl would be teaching him about the history of Genovia, which might help with his World History problem, and he certainly wasn’t going to complain about all the great new clothes Fangs was making for him.

There wasn’t much he could do about his dad dating Ms. McCoy, but it wasn’t like she was round at the house all the time now that he knew, or anything, so Kevin decided he would try to stop worrying so much about that, and just let his dad be happy.

Kevin was feeling so optimistic about everything that he asked Toni to stop by Betty’s house again on the way to school, hoping she might have gotten over their disagreement by now, like he had. He was prepared to put up with her inevitable lecture about him wearing a leather jacket when they had both stopped eating read meat over a year ago, if it meant that she was talking to him again. He even planned on offering to help out with her stupid video this weekend.

Betty and Archie were arguing on their front doorstep again when Toni stopped the car. Betty had something clenched in her hand and it looked to Kevin like Archie was trying to take it from her. When the car stopped, Betty turned to face it, and Kevin got a look at her face through the window. She looked murderous. 

Toni got out of the car to open the door for Betty and Archie, but before she reached it, Betty barged past her and wrenched the door open herself.

‘Betty, don’t,’ Kevin heard Archie call after her through the open car door.

‘Is it true?’ Betty asked.

‘Is what true?’ If Betty had been mad at him before, Kevin didn’t know what to call her expression now.

‘This.’ Betty threw the thing in her hand at him. It was a sheaf of pages from the local paper, which Betty had crumbled in her hands. Kevin smoothed them out on his lap. His blood ran cold. There, on the front page, was his school picture from freshman year, and in big, black letters above it, the headline, “Riverdale’s Secret Royal”.

Toni pushed past Betty and took the paper from Kevin’s limp hands. Distantly, he thought he heard her swear, but there was a buzzing in his ears and he couldn’t really hear anything over it. When he looked up again, Betty was still glaring at him through the open car door, and Archie was hovering a few steps behind her.

‘Betty… I can explain,’ Kevin said, but he never got a chance to.

‘I knew you were keeping something from me,’ Betty exploded. ‘I knew you were lying!’ She slammed the door so hard, the whole limo rocked. Kevin watched, helplessly, through the tinted glass as Betty stormed off down the sidewalk.

For a moment, Kevin thought Archie was going to open the door and say something. Maybe he was going to yell at Kevin too. But he didn’t. He said, ‘Sorry,’ loud enough for Kevin to hear him through the closed door, and then he ran off, after Betty.

Kevin felt tears prick at the backs of his eyes. It was in the paper. Everyone would have seen it by now. Everyone would know. He knew now, with perfect clarity, that he had made a mistake by not telling Betty. She should have known first. Kevin had been such an idiot, thinking he could keep it a secret. He should have known something like this would happen, and he should have told his best friend before it had. She shouldn’t have had to read it in the paper.

Betty was never going to talk to him again.

‘Prince?’ Toni’s voice snapped Kevin out of his panic spiral. He hadn’t even heard her get back into the car, but there she was, back in the driver’s seat. Kevin wiped his eyes and tried to listen to what she was saying, instead of losing himself in his own despair. ‘I’ve just spoken to your mother. She and your father are both on their way to the school already, so we’re going to meet them there. Okay?’ Kevin nodded. What did it matter? His life was over now anyway, he might as well just do as he was told.

-

The school was swarming with journalists and paparazzi, all pointing their microphones and cameras at the car before it had even stopped moving. Kevin thought, at one point, that Toni was going to run one of them over, but the journalist dodged out of the way at the last moment, realising Toni had no intention of stopping until she had parked the car exactly where she wanted to park it.

Kevin reached for the door handle, thinking he should probably just get it over with.

‘Not yet,’ Toni said from the front seat. ‘We’re waiting for your father.’ Toni had been on the phone, using the bluetooth in the car, the whole way to the school from Betty’s house. Kevin had totally tuned out everything she was saying, but he guessed that must have been what she had been organising. The phone rang again now and she answered it, with an apologetic look.

Kevin wasn’t sure when he had last been so scared. There were people everywhere, surrounding the car, their faces pressed against the windows, yelling questions at him, that he couldn’t even understand over all the noise. Someone tried to open the door, wrestling with the handle, but it wouldn’t open. Toni must have locked the doors from the inside. 

Was this what it would always be like? Was this his life now? Kevin closed his eyes and tried to think of something, anything, that would distract him from the noise.

The noise got louder and Kevin’s eyes shot open. For a split-second, he thought one of the journalists had managed to open the door.

‘It’s just me,’ his dad said, leaning in and resting both hands on Kevin’s shoulders. ‘It’s just me. It’s okay.’ Kevin looked into his dad’s eyes and felt his own start to fill with tears again.

‘Are we ready?’ Toni asked, appearing at his dad’s side. The mob of journalists were still straining to get to the car behind them, but there was now a row of sheriff’s deputies and Genovian bodyguards holding them back. Kevin’s dad looked at him, questioning. Kevin nodded and his dad stepped out of the way, letting Kevin get out of the car.

Kevin kept his head down, his dad on one side of him, with his arm around Kevin’s shoulders, and Toni on the other, shouting orders at people to get out of the way. It wasn’t only the journalists either. Every single member of the Riverdale High student body seemed to be out there too, staring at him, yelling at him. Kevin only realised they had reached the front door of the school when a hand with long, dark blue fingernails reached out and took his. He looked up into the face of Ms. McCoy and she smiled back at him. Kevin’s dad dropped his arm from Kevin’s shoulders and Kevin let Ms. McCoy pull him into the school, away from the crowd.

The hallway was deserted with everyone outside, and the school doors went some way to muffling the noise out there, but not enough. Kevin realised he was shaking.

‘Well, this is quite the morning, isn’t it?’ Ms. McCoy said. She was still holding Kevin’s hand and at the sight of it shaking, she wrapped her other hand around it too. ‘Your mom is waiting for you in Principal Weatherbee’s office,’ she said, ‘and your dad and the deputies and the entire Genovian guard are going to deal with the journalists. We’re all going to take care of this,’ she promised. ‘You don’t have to worry about anything.’

Kevin didn’t respond. There was no use telling her how wrong she was, so he just let her lead him to Weatherbee’s office, instead.

Ms. McCoy didn’t let go of Kevin’s hand until they reached Weatherbee’s office. The moment the door opened, Kevin’s mom leapt up from her seat in front of Weatherbee’s desk and pulled him against her in a hug. Kevin didn’t hug her back. His arms hung limp at his side.

‘We had a deal,’ Kevin said, when his mom pulled away, confused. ‘You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone until I graduated.’

‘Me?’ Kevin’s mom stumbled back, shocked. ‘You think I did this?’ Kevin shrugged. Who else would have? Kevin’s mom flicked her gaze to Ms. McCoy and Principal Weatherbee before settling it back on Kevin again. She obviously wished they were having this conversation in private, but Kevin didn’t really see how it mattered now. Everyone already knew his business. ‘Kevin, this is not how I wanted the world to find out that I have been hiding an illegitimate son for sixteen years. I had rather hoped to reveal that information on my own terms, in my own country, not in an American newspaper, and besides, you’re right. We did have a deal and I would never break a promise to you. I’m sorry that you think I would.’

Kevin fell against his mom, giving her a real hug this time. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, as he clung on to the back of her dress. ‘I know you wouldn’t do that.’

‘It’s all right,’ she said, smoothing the back of his hair with her hand. ‘It’s already forgotten.’

Kevin pulled away and wiped the tears from his eyes, yet again. He wondered how many times he would have to do that today.

‘Well, someone must have told the press,’ Kevin said.

His mom sighed. ‘Yes, well, I have a pretty good idea who that was and don’t you worry, I will be dealing with her myself.’

Finally, Kevin’s dad arrived. He didn’t bother knocking on the door, he just strolled right in with Toni beside him, and pulled Kevin into a hug of his own.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Kevin said, as they pulled away.

‘I’ll kill her,’ Kevin’s dad said.

‘Not if I do it first,’ Kevin’s mom replied, sweetly. To Kevin she said, ‘There are a few things your father and I need to discuss with Principal Weatherbee. Ms. McCoy, is it?’ she asked, looking up at Ms. McCoy where she was waiting in the corner of the room.

‘Please,’ Ms. McCoy said, stepping forward, ‘call me Sierra.’

Kevin’s mom smiled. ‘Sierra, would you mind waiting outside with Kevin while Tom and I talk with Toni and Principal Weatherbee?’

‘Of course,’ Ms. McCoy said. Kevin let her lead him out of the room. He was still a little dazed, and he still didn’t know who had leaked the story to the press, though both of his parents seemed to know exactly who it was. ‘Why don’t we go and wait for them in the staff room?’ Ms. McCoy suggested.

The halls were still empty. Kevin guessed the deputies and the Genovian bodyguards must be keeping everyone outside. God, was there anyone who wasn’t being inconvenienced by this?

‘Well,’ Ms. McCoy said, handing him a cup of coffee and gesturing for him to sit down in one of the tattered old sofas in the staff room. ‘Now I understand why your father has been so busy recently.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Kevin said. He wasn’t even really sure what he was sorry for, he just felt like he needed to apologise to everyone.

Ms. McCoy leaned forward in her chair and squeezed Kevin’s hand again lightly with her own. ‘You don’t need to apologise for anything. Drink your coffee.’ He did.

‘Do you think they’ll make me go and live in Genovia now?’ Kevin asked.

Ms. McCoy shook her head. ‘I’m sure your parents aren’t going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. If they try, your father will have me to deal with.’ She flexed her arm, as though she was showing off her bicep. Kevin laughed. Of all the women in Riverdale, he was really glad his dad was dating Ms. McCoy.

-

Toni wasn’t Kevin’s driver anymore. She was his bodyguard. That was the arrangement Kevin’s parents and Principal Weatherbee had come up with while Kevin was drinking coffee with Ms. McCoy in the staff room. His dad came and found him when they were done talking and broke the news to him before they left. He said it was the only way Kevin could stay at Riverdale High.

‘I’m sorry, son, but it’s that or some awful boarding school where all the other royal kids go. At least this way you still get to be with your friends, like you wanted.’

What friends?

It turned out, while Kevin had been in the staff room and this had all been arranged, deputies had been leading students and teachers to their classrooms, while the Genovian bodyguards escorted the journalists off the school premises. Things were almost back to normal by the time he finished his coffee, except Kevin was being sent home, instead of to his own class.

‘I’ll speak to your teachers and collect any homework they have for you,’ Ms. McCoy said, as Toni escorted him off school grounds. Just when he was beginning to like her too.

Kevin’s dad had to stick around to make sure everything at the school was dealt with properly. Kevin had hoped this would mean he could go home and wallow on his own for the rest of the day, but his mom said they all needed to go back to the Five Seasons first, and he really didn’t have the energy to argue with her.

Toni drove them to the hotel. Which would, apparently, be her last time in the front of the car. From now on she would ride in the back with Kevin, ready to throw herself over his body in case of assassination attempts, or something. Kevin’s mom told him Toni had already suggested a new driver, and his mother had approved. It was to be another member of the Genovian royal guard, a woman called Peaches. Kevin would meet her later, after they had dealt with Cheryl.

‘Dealt with Cheryl?’ Kevin asked. ‘What do you mean?’ He hadn’t thought about Cheryl once, all morning.

‘Who do you think leaked the story?’ Kevin’s mom asked, in reply.

Kevin couldn’t believe he hadn’t put it together himself. Of course it was Cheryl. Cheryl, who was so keen that he should embrace his destiny as the future ruler of Genovia. Cheryl, who had lectured him about sacrificing everything for Genovia. Cheryl, who had once shot a journalist in the leg with an arrow.

Of course, Cheryl wasn’t going to let him keep this secret.

By the time they reached Cheryl’s suite, Kevin’s hands were shaking again, but this time it wasn’t from fear.

‘How could you?’ he asked, bursting into the room behind Toni.

Cheryl blinked up at him from where she was lounging on the sofa by the window, a sidecar in one hand, and the newspaper with that stupid headline on it in the other.

‘Is that any way to enter a person’s home?’ Cheryl asked.

‘You don’t get to lecture him today,’ Kevin’s mom said. Her voice was calm but Kevin could hear the anger in her clipped tone. She walked straight to the bar and poured herself a glass of scotch, neat. Kevin watched her knock it back in one gulp, before pouring herself another, this time adding two ice cubes to it. ‘Answer his question,’ she ordered.

Cheryl put down her newspaper. ‘I thought you would be pleased,’ she said to Kevin.

Kevin’s mom laughed and sat down in one of the velvet armchairs.

‘Pleased?’ Kevin repeated. ‘I told you I didn’t want anyone to know.’

‘Days ago, yes,’ Cheryl said. ‘But you changed your mind.’ At this, Kevin’s mom sat up straighter.

‘Did you?’ she asked.

‘No,’ Kevin said. ‘Of course not.’

‘You did,’ Cheryl insisted. ‘You said you wanted your friend Betty to know but you didn’t know how to tell her, so I did it for you.’

A silence descended on the room.

‘I said I wanted to tell Betty,’ Kevin said, his voice rising. ‘I didn’t say I wanted the entire world to know.’

‘That’s enough.’ Kevin’s mom slammed her empty glass down on the coffee table, making Cheryl jump. ‘After everything I have done for you over the years, Cheryl, after everything my parents did for you, it is bad enough that you would do this to me, but to do it to Kevin? And to sit there and pretend that you thought it was what he wanted, after I expressly told you that it was not?’ She didn’t say anything else. She didn’t have to. ‘Come on, Kevin. I think you’ve learnt enough from my cousin about what it means to be royalty for one day.’

-

Kevin’s mom let him wallow in her hotel suite for the rest of the day. She had a lot of important calls to make, smoothing things over back in Genovia, but she told him he could order whatever he wanted from room service and watch whatever he wanted on the TV in the bedroom. At first, he checked his phone every five minutes, hoping Betty might text him, but she didn’t, so he put it face down on the bedside table and watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s instead.

Kevin ordered truffle mac and cheese for lunch, for himself and for his mom. She smiled when he handed it to her, and wandered off with her plate and fork, her phone still pressed to her ear. Kevin ate his in her bed and called his dad.

‘Hey, kid. How are you doing?’ His dad asked, picking up after the first ring.

‘I’m okay,’ Kevin said, around a mouthful of pasta. ‘Mom let me order room service.’

‘Perks of being a prince, huh?’

‘Hmm.’

‘Your mom talk to that cousin of her’s yet?’

Kevin sighed. ‘Oh, yeah.’

‘What did she have to say for herself?’

‘She says she thought I wanted everyone to know.’

‘Sure she did.’ Kevin’s dad laughed bitterly. ‘Well, everything’s back to normal at the school. I’m sure it will have all blown over by Monday.’

‘Yeah,’ Kevin said, putting his fork down. This conversation was starting to make him lose his appetite. ‘I’m sure everyone will totally forget that I’m a prince over the weekend. Maybe something huge will happen. Maybe Ethel Muggs is secretly a countess.’ There was a knock on the bedroom door. ‘I gotta go,’ Kevin said.

‘I’ll see you at home. Love you, kid.’

‘Love you too,’ Kevin said. He threw his phone down on the bed. ‘Come in,’ he called, not really wanting to get out of the nest he had made for himself out of pillows. It was only Toni who pushed the door open anyway.

‘Princess Cheryl asked me to bring this to you,’ Toni explained, placing a large black box on the end of the bed. ‘It just arrived, from Fangs.’

Kevin climbed out of his nest, careful not to knock over the rest of his mac and cheese. ‘Thank you,’ he said, running his hands along the smooth, matte cardboard of the box. Toni left him alone. Kevin pulled off the cardboard lid. Underneath there was black tissue paper, held together with a tiny sticker in the shape of a golden snake, Fangs’s brand logo. It seemed a shame to rip the tissue paper, but once he did, it gave way to reveal a pair of black denim jeans and a dark green button-down shirt, made out of the softest cotton. The shirt looked plain at first, but when Kevin looked closer he could see the Genovian crest, embroidered on the pocket in thread just slightly darker than the shirt itself.

Kevin put the new clothes on immediately, throwing his own down carelessly on the bathroom floor. They fit perfectly, of course, just like the jacket. He looked at himself in the floor-length mirror. He looked like a prince. Even if he was wearing mismatched socks.

He would have to ask if Fangs made shoes too.


	6. Chapter 6

Kevin’s mom had to go back to Genovia, in the end. There were some things she just couldn’t deal with on the phone. Kevin offered to go with her but she didn’t know when she’d be back, and besides, she thought it might be best to wait until the scandal had died down before officially introducing him to the populace. Kevin tried hard to hide his disappointment. It would have been a lot easier to pretend Betty wasn’t mad at him if he was in Genovia.

Kevin had thought about texting Betty to apologise for not telling her the truth, but, surprisingly, a text from Archie had stopped him. It was just a quick message, on Friday evening, that said, “Hope you’re okay. Don’t worry about Betty. She’ll cool off in a few days. x”. Kevin had stared at that “x” for an embarrassingly long time.

The thing was though, Archie’s text made Kevin think that maybe he shouldn’t apologise to Betty. After all, had he really done anything wrong? There was no rule that said he and Betty had to tell each other everything just because they were best friends. Kevin was pretty sure Betty didn’t tell him everything. And if they really were best friends, how come it was Betty’s brother, not Betty, who had been the only person to text Kevin and ask if he was okay?

Kevin spent most of the weekend in his room, trying to do the homework Ms. McCoy dropped off for him on Friday night, but mostly just staring at his phone, hoping Betty might call, and reading articles about himself on the internet.

‘This one says I’m on the swim team,’ Kevin said, putting his phone down on the dining table, next to his lunch, on Sunday. His dad had insisted he leave his room to eat but he didn’t say anything about Kevin not bringing his phone with him. ‘We don’t even have a swim team. We don’t even have a pool.’

Kevin’s dad put a sandwich down in front of him and rolled his eyes. ‘Stop looking at them,’ he said. ‘You’ll drive yourself crazy.’

Kevin picked up his phone again and started scrolling. ‘There was another one here that claimed you and mom met because you were a spy in college.’

‘Son, I am begging you. Do something else.’ Kevin’s dad reached across the table and snatched the phone out of his son’s hand. ‘Do your homework. Go outside. Go see Betty.’

Kevin took a big bite out of his sandwich, hoping that his dad might have changed the subject by the time he finished chewing. He didn’t.

‘Betty’s mad at me,’ he admitted. His dad frowned and put the phone back down on the table. Kevin slid it into his pocket before his dad could get any ideas about taking it away more permanently. He had a lot of articles open that he hadn’t had a chance to read yet.

‘Why is Betty mad at you?’

Kevin shrugged. ’Because she knew something was up, and when she asked me about it, I lied, and then she read the truth in the paper.’

‘Well, it’s not like Betty is the best person to tell a secret to,’ Kevin’s dad said. Kevin nodded. That was an understatement. ‘Look, you and Betty have fought before, plenty of times, and you always make up. Why don’t you just call her?’

‘Because I shouldn’t have to,’ Kevin complained. ‘I know I lied, but you just said, she’s not the best person to tell a secret to, and this huge thing just happened that I was obviously trying to avoid and it was really humiliating, and she hasn’t even called to ask if I’m okay because she’s too busy being mad at me, and it’s always like that. It doesn’t matter what it is, she’s always the one who gets mad at me and I’m always the one who has to apologise.’

‘Okay, okay.’ Kevin’s dad held up his hands, surrendering. ‘Don’t apologise to Betty. Just stop reading those damn articles.’

-

By lunch time on Monday, Kevin was seriously considering looking into those boarding schools his dad had mentioned. He hadn’t bothered asking his new driver, Peaches, to stop at Betty’s house on the way to school, so it was just him and Toni in the back of the car, which made the fact that Toni was no longer in the front of the car even stranger. Although, that was nothing compared to how strange it was once they actually got to school.

People didn’t normally notice Kevin. He didn’t have a complex about it or anything, it was just that he spent almost all of his time with Betty, and people really noticed Betty. Over the years, he had gotten used to being the Watson to Betty’s Holmes, but he definitely wasn’t in her shadow any more. The journalists and photographers hadn’t come back, Kevin assumed because his dad or Toni had adequately scared them off the first time, but, from the way everyone stared at him and whispered to each other as he walked past, it was pretty obvious that every student in the school had seen the stories about him by now. Having Toni walk two steps behind him wherever he went probably didn’t help much with his anonymity either.

Kevin was glad he had worn the outfit Fangs had given him, so he at least looked good while everyone shamelessly watched and talked about his every move.

Toni had to sit behind Kevin in all of his classes, which meant whoever was already sitting behind him had to be moved, so at least one person in each class was guaranteed to be mad at him. Betty managed to avoid talking to him all morning, but he did catch her looking at his new clothes more than once, her eye tripping on the Genovian crest on his shirt when he took off his jacket in World History. He silently dared her to say something about it. He hadn’t been sure about it himself that morning, but there was no use hiding it anymore. If everyone was going to talk about him being the Prince of Genovia anyway, he might as well be proud of it.

The strangest part of the whole morning, however, was when Kevin and Toni went to Kevin’s locker before lunch. Joaquin was there, checking out his own reflection in a little mirror he had hung up on the inside of his locker, but he was alone, no Serpent sticking their tongue down his throat today.

‘Hey,’ he said, flashing a smile as Kevin approached. Kevin glanced around but the only person behind him was Toni.

‘Hey?’ Kevin replied, opening his own locker. When he closed it again, Joaquin was still there, still smiling at him, leaning against his own locker instead of Kevin’s, for a change.

‘Nice jacket,’ Joaquin said. His pale blue eyes travelled the length of Kevin’s body and back again, slowly. Kevin felt himself blush under Joaquin’s gaze. No one had ever looked at him like that before, like they were enjoying it.

‘Thanks,’ Kevin replied, his mouth dry. ‘My cousin designed it.’

Joaquin nodded. ‘It looks good.’ He reached across and tugged at the lapel of Kevin’s jacket, straightening it out, that crooked smile on his face the whole time. ‘That’s better.’ He looked up at Kevin’s face again, through thick lashes. ‘See you around,’ he added, before turning and walking away. Kevin stood rooted to the spot, almost afraid to move. Joaquin turned around once and smiled at him again, before disappearing around a corner.

‘Shouldn’t we get to lunch, Prince?’ Toni asked, snapping Kevin out of his trance.

He had completely forgotten she was even there.

When they did get to lunch, Betty and Jughead were nowhere to be seen. Kevin headed straight to their usual table after picking up his lunch, but at the last moment, he spotted Veronica Lodge, sat at her table in the corner with her bodyguard. He paused for a second, his tray hovering over his usual table, and then he made a decision.

‘Is it okay if we sit here?’ Kevin asked. Veronica looked up from her book and blinked at him, as though it took her a few seconds to understand what he had asked. When she did understand it though, she grinned back up at him.

‘Of course.’ She put her book down and gestured at the table. ‘Please do. You’re Kevin, right?’ Kevin nodded. He sat down opposite Veronica, and Toni sat down next to him, opposite Veronica’s bodyguard. ‘Or should I call you Your Highness?’ Veronica asked with a wicked smile.

‘Kevin is fine,’ Kevin said, trying not to look too mortified.

‘I’m Veronica. This is my bodyguard, Reggie.’

‘This is my bodyguard, Toni.’ It was tense for a moment as Toni and Reggie sized each other up. Then they started talking about guns, and Kevin relaxed. At least one of them had made a new friend today. Now it was his turn. ‘What are you reading?’ he asked, nodding towards Veronica’s book.

‘Oh,’ Veronica seemed to go shy. ‘It’s nothing. A romance book,’ she admitted, almost a whisper.

That was not exactly what Kevin had been expecting her to say.

‘Like Mills and Boon?’ he asked. Betty had found some old Mills and Boon books in her mom’s bedside cabinet once when they were in middle school and she and Kevin had spent a whole afternoon hiding in Betty’s room, reading the sexy bits out loud and rolling around with laughter, until Betty’s mom had found them and grounded Betty for a week for going through her things.

‘Kind of,’ Veronica said, excitedly. ‘It’s a guilty pleasure.’

‘Aren’t they kind of anti-feminist and demeaning to women?’ Kevin asked, parroting what Betty had said last time he had brought up her mom’s secret romance stash.

‘Not at all,’ Veronica replied, getting really animated now, her dark hair swinging around her shoulders. She picked up the book she had been reading and showed Kevin the front, which featured a woman in a pinstriped suit, being held by a man with no shirt and a lot of muscles. ‘This one is about a lawyer in New York who falls in love with a farmer from her hometown, but she doesn’t want to give up her job or her cool New York apartment, so he lets his brother take over the farm and moves to New York to be with her instead.’

‘You’ve read it before?’ Kevin asked, taking the book out of Veronica’s hands and reading the back cover. Veronica nodded.

‘It’s one of my favourites. There are some that are really patronising to women, but I don’t read those. Well, not more than once. I like the ones where the women are in charge. This one’s kind of an exception though, I usually like the historical ones best.’

‘Are there lots of different types?’ Kevin asked, flicking through the pages of the book now.

‘Oh, loads,’ Veronica said. ‘There’s historical, crime, fantasy,’ she counted the different genres off on her fingers. ‘There are a lot about handsome princes whisking beautiful women off their feet.’

Kevin laughed and handed Veronica’s book back to her. ‘Whisking beautiful women off their feet isn’t exactly my area of interest,’ he said.

‘There are gay ones too,’ Veronica told him, without missing a beat. ‘I could lend you some, if you want.’

Kevin wasn’t sure romance books were really his kind of thing, but Veronica was clearly passionate about them, and, apart from his weird interaction with Joaquin, she was the only person who had wanted to talk to Kevin today, rather than talking about him.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘Why not?’

‘I’ll bring some to school with me tomorrow.’ Veronica beamed at him. Her smile was infectious.

‘Great.’ Kevin looked around and spotted Archie where he was sitting with his football buddies. ‘Are there any about… musicians?’ he asked, trying to sound casual. ‘Or football players?’

Veronica gave him a conspiratorial look. ‘So many,’ she said.

By the end of his lunch with Veronica, Kevin thought maybe he could wait a little longer before he brought up the idea of boarding school with his mom, after all.

-

Kevin arrived at Gifted and Talented just as Jughead was shutting himself in the supply closet. Jughead stopped on the threshold of the closet, and for a second Kevin thought he was going to say something to him, but then Jughead must have spotted the look Betty was giving him, because he closed the supply closet door without a word. Betty switched her glare to Kevin instead as she jammed her headphones over her ears.

Kevin turned away from her and rolled his eyes at the wall. Obviously, Betty wasn’t planning on talking to him first. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait too long for Archie to arrive, a guitar in each hand and his bag falling off his shoulder.

‘Hey.’ Archie smiled, as Kevin took one of the guitars from him, and dumped his bag on the floor, one eye on Toni the whole time. ‘Hey. Toni, right?’ Toni and Archie shook hands. ‘I thought Toni was your cousin’s driver?’ Archie asked Kevin.

Kevin shrugged. ‘Now she’s my bodyguard.’ Kevin sat down, Archie swung a chair around to sit opposite him, and Toni sat herself down in the corner of the room, a little way away from them, but not quite as far as Kevin would have liked.

‘So it really is true?’ Archie asked. ‘You really are a prince?’

‘Apparently,’ Kevin replied, fiddling with the strings of the guitar Archie had handed to him. ‘I only found out last week. We were going to keep it a secret until I graduate but… obviously that didn’t work out.

Archie leant back in his chair, his arms thrown casually over the guitar on his lap. ‘That’s why you didn’t tell Betty.’ Kevin nodded. ‘Wow. That’s crazy.’

‘Tell me about it,’ Kevin agreed.

‘But you’re still allowed to go to school here, obviously. You don’t have to move to Genovia or anything?’

‘No, thank God.’

‘So, do I have to like, bow when you enter a room, and call you Your Highness now?’ Archie asked, a faint smile on his lips.

‘No,’ Kevin said, horrified. ‘Please, no bowing.’ Archie laughed.

‘Well,’ Archie said, ‘now I understand the car.’ He leant over his guitar to look Kevin up and down, quickly. ‘And the new clothes,’ he added.

‘Oh,’ Kevin blushed. He hadn’t expected Archie, of all people, to notice. ‘Yeah. My cousin has his own label. Well, we call him my cousin. I actually have no idea how he’s even related to us. Or what his real name is. We call him Fangs, for some reason. I don’t even know why.’ Why couldn’t he stop talking?

‘Well, they look good,’ Archie said. Kevin wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but he could have sworn Archie’s cheeks had turned a little bit pink. ‘So, are princes still allowed to learn the guitar?’

‘I think so.’ Kevin looked over at Toni. She was texting someone, her fingernails tapping on her phone screen at lightning speed, but he had a feeling she was still watching them too. That was going to take some getting used to.

-

The rest of the day wasn’t so bad. It sucked that Betty still wasn’t talking to Kevin, but at least Archie was, and now that Archie knew why Kevin hadn’t told Betty the truth, maybe he would tell her and maybe she would understand. Maybe she would be the one to apologise for once. Kevin wasn’t holding his breath.

In the mean time, Kevin definitely seemed to have made a new friend in Veronica. She texted him when he was on his way home from school and said she already knew which books she was going to lend him. Kevin tried to keep an open mind about it.

It already felt weird not to be heading to the Five Seasons straight after school, but after what Cheryl had done last week, Kevin’s mom had agreed that they would find another way for him to learn everything he needed to know. One that didn’t involve seeing Cheryl every day. So, Peaches drove Kevin and Toni straight back to Kevin’s house, instead. Kevin’s dad was outside when they arrived, fixing something to the front of the house. He turned around at the sound of the car pulling up and waved his screwdriver at them.

‘Good day at school?’ Kevin’s dad asked as Kevin and Toni got out of the car.

‘It was fine,’ Kevin said, deciding he didn’t really want to get into it right now. ‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m installing some security cameras and one of those video doorbells,’ his dad explained.

Toni walked up to the house and inspected one of the cameras. Kevin’s dad had already installed three of them on the front of the house, their round, dark lenses looking out over the yard from all angles. ‘These are a good model,’ Toni said, approvingly.

‘Is this really necessary?’ Kevin asked, pulling his bag up on his shoulder. He didn’t love the idea of having security cameras that could track his every move outside his own front door.

‘Yes,’ his dad and Toni both replied at once.

Kevin left them to it.

He had a lot of homework to catch up on. It had only been a week since his entire world had been tipped upside down, but it turned out that kind of thing could cause you to get behind on homework very quickly, and he knew his teachers weren’t going to accept, ‘My mom told me she’s been hiding my real identity from me for the past sixteen years’ as an excuse for much longer.

Kevin was starting to make headway with a particularly difficult question in his Algebra textbook when he heard a commotion downstairs. Thinking his dad had caught some reporter on one of his new security cameras already, Kevin tried to tune it out, but the shouting only got louder, until finally Kevin heard his own name. He put down his pen and crept out of his bedroom and along the hall, hoping to hear what was going on without being seen. However, as soon as he heard the voice that was calling his name, he gave up that hope and simply went to the top of the stairs.

‘There you are,’ Cheryl said, exasperated. ‘What is the meaning of this, hmm? Tell your father to let me in. This is not how one treats a princess.’

Kevin’s dad was blocking Cheryl’s way into the house, both of his hands firmly on either side of the doorframe. He turned to look up at Kevin, questioning. Kevin sighed and nodded once, and his dad let go of the doorframe, letting Cheryl in.

‘Thank you,’ Cheryl said, brushing down her red, silk dress with her hands. ‘Now what exactly do you think you’re doing, cousin? We have a lesson, do we not?’

‘No,’ Kevin answered, still standing at the top of the stairs. He was quite enjoying looking down at Cheryl. ‘After what you did, mom said I don’t have to have lessons with you anymore.’

Cheryl looked genuinely shocked, for about two seconds, before she managed to gather her features back into their normal vaguely threatening, yet generally disinterested expression. ‘Oh, really?’ she asked. ‘Well that’s news to me.’

‘Well, Cheryl, I don’t really care,’ Kevin replied, honestly. ‘As future ruler of Genovia, I need to be surrounded by people who I can trust, and you betrayed me by selling me out to the press. Frankly, I think that might be treason.’ Kevin saw his dad stifle a laugh behind Cheryl’s back.

‘Do you indeed?’ Cheryl asked, her voice icy cold. She threw a look over her shoulder and Kevin’s dad just about managed to disguise his laughter as a cough. ‘Might I have a word with you in private, cousin?’ Cheryl asked, her voice sickly sweet all of a sudden. ‘I understand that what I did was wrong, and I would like to apologise.’

Kevin didn’t trust her, but he also suspected he wouldn’t be able to get rid of her until he agreed. ‘Fine,’ he said, finally making his way down the stairs. He walked past Cheryl and straight into the kitchen.

‘I’ll be in my office,’ Kevin’s dad said, pointedly, letting Kevin know that he wouldn’t be far away. Kevin appreciated it.

‘What a… quaint little kitchen,’ Cheryl said, barely containing her disapproval.

‘What do you want?’ Kevin asked, sitting down at the dining table. Cheryl delicately pulled back the chair across from Kevin and sat down too. She folded her hands on her knee and looked at him. She almost looked contrite.

‘I want to apologise,’ she said, again. ‘I am truly sorry that I upset you, Kevin, but I only wanted to give you a little push, to help you accept your destiny as a prince of Genovia. You seemed so afraid of telling the world who you truly are and I wanted you to see that you have nothing to fear. I wanted you to be proud.’

‘Journalists invaded my school,’ Kevin said. He wasn’t buying Cheryl’s apology for one second. ‘Everyone is talking about me.’

‘As they should be,’ Cheryl insisted. ‘I understand that you’re embarrassed but are you really going to just give up on our lessons? Over this? I thought you were made of stronger stuff. Your mother sacrificed so much to do her duty to Genovia when she was so young. My grandfather sacrificed his own life to defend Genovia from the Nazis in World War II. I thought you could handle a few newspaper articles.’

Kevin didn’t know what to say. He was still mad at Cheryl. He still thought what she had done was wrong. But how was he supposed to argue with that? How was he supposed to compare a story in the newspaper with dying in World War II?

He wanted to ask what she had meant when she said that his mother had sacrificed so much. Did she mean him? His dad? Had Kevin’s mom once considered giving up the throne and staying with them? Now didn’t really seem like the time to open that particular can of worms.

‘If you truly wish to quit our lessons, I understand,’ Cheryl continued, looking down at her own hands. ‘But, please, cousin, know that my only wish is to help make you into the ruler I know you can be. I was so young when my parents died. Your mother and my dearly departed aunt and uncle are the only family I ever really knew. All I want is to help you carry on their legacy.’

Kevin sighed. She had him. They both knew she had him.

His one day off from prince lessons and he had wasted it on Algebra homework.


End file.
